


The one where Logan lives...Veronica's spiral

by VMarsTrek



Category: Veronica Mars - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Logan Lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:33:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 22,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21835234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VMarsTrek/pseuds/VMarsTrek
Summary: Veronica has her moment of clarity about what a horrible partner/friend/daughter she has been, Can she work through her demons before it's too late?Logan Lives.
Relationships: Logan Echolls/Veronica Mars
Comments: 101
Kudos: 96





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The whole fic is inspired by the song "Happier" by Marshmello and Bastille.
> 
> Spotify playlist can be found here: https://open.spotify.com/user/12177492216/playlist/4xOY9TGcR68roYYIIqFwGE?si=s0WTwbrdT2OYZUXTAlDHWA
> 
> All characters belong to Rob Thomas.

Logan walks in the apartment sensing tension. Pony is laying on her bed, wary of something in the air and when she sees her dad, she whimpers softly and lays her head back down. He puts his duffle bag down and scratches her ears. That’s when he hears the soft opening and closing of drawers in their bedroom. He walks softly into the room and leans against the doorframe, looking at Veronica quizzically.

“Hey. Notice any international hot spots back to room temperature? That was me.” Logan smirks and points his thumbs back at himself.

Veronica looks up, startled, and gives him a soft smile. “Your home.” The relief is her voice is palpable.

“Not exactly the welcome home I was expecting, but,” he walks over to where she is now standing with a shirt in her hand, “but I will take what I can get.” Logan grasps her waist and moves in. Veronica allows for a soft kiss but pulls away before things can go further.

“Veronica….?” That’s when Logan notices her suitcases laid out on the bed that she is packing. Certainly more than she would need for a few nights away for a bail jumper.

“Logan, I had a moment of clarity. I, I don’t think you are happy, and that doesn’t make me feel good. But this isn’t about me…. I want YOU to be happier, and if that means a life without me….” She looks deep in his eyes, and then resumes packing.

“Wait, what? Veronica, did something happen….is this about Leo?” Sitting at the edge of the bed Logan presses his fists in his eyes. He should have known there was more to that 5 hour lunch than work.

“NO! No Logan, I would never…..this,” She sweeps her hand between the two of them, “isn’t about anything except I think you should be with someone who makes you happy, and I am not that person.” Veronica zips up her last suitcase and hefts it to the floor.

“Veronica, look, if this is about the ring…”

“No, well, yes and no. It is and isn’t.” She walks around the bed, sits down and takes his hands. “Logan, I love you, more than anything, but I take you for granted, and it’s shitty. I couldn’t sit for 5 minutes to talk to you on your last deployment and blamed you because I accused you of expecting me to wait around for you, when clearly you didn’t. I ran when you said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me.” Veronica stands, grabs her suitcases and rolls them into the living room. She takes her purse, digs out her keys and unclips the apartment key and places it on the counter. Logan patters behind her at a complete loss for words.

“Veronica, please, can we talk about this? I don’t know what happened, but it’s ok, we can get past whatever…please don’t run.” Logan was still sure this had something to do with Leo, but worried that if he let her walk out the door, he wouldn’t have this opportunity to change her mind.

“See? This is why I NEED to go. If I stay, we will talk, and it will lead to distractions, and tomorrow we will laugh at this, but the problem will still be there. Glossed over with how much we love and care for each other, but at the core, I’m a shitty partner. You deserve better Logan.”

Veronica opened the door and Logan moved to try to stop her. She let go of her luggage and took his face in her hands, looking into his eyes, then kissing him softly on the mouth. “I love you Logan, you have to understand that, this is about me being not good enough for you. You dealt with enough shitty people in your life, I don’t want to add to that.”

She lets go and slips out the door. He moves to follow then turns to run to the bedroom window. He watches as she gets into a cab and is gone.


	2. Chapter 2

“Yeah, and the weird part? She called Dick, on purpose, so that he would come over after she left. He hid around the corner waiting until she left. I didn’t even know she HAD his number.” Logan chuckles softly, but the smile fading quickly.

Logan waited for Veronica for 3 days to come to her senses. To come home. He ran Pony so much that she started to hide from him when he picked up her leash. Then he started looking/not looking for her. He hung around Amy’s sure he would see her there, if not by herself with the FBI agent who wouldn’t quit. Mama Leone’s and any other obscure place she may frequent all with no luck. Logan was stumped. It was on another excursion, this time on a stake out to the River Styx, that Logan had been startled by a sharp rap on the car window. Hoping to see Veronica, but instead was met with another pair of Mars eyes, Keith, who invited Logan back to the house to get some answers.

“She always has been full of surprises, that one. A big reason I am glad I am part of the “One and done” club.” Keith takes a long drink of beer to avoiding speaking again because he is at a loss for words for the surprise that has led to this meeting.

“I was sure she would be here.”

“Honestly son, I am at a loss. This is out of left field for me and as a bit of an authority on Veronica and baseball, that says something.” 

Logan sits back into the couch and swirls his scotch. “I’ve looked everywhere, she’s gone radio silent. I am still not confident something didn’t happen with Leo….”

Keith chuckles at this. “I think you should know these two rules of Veronica by now, son. If she does not want to be found, she won’t be, and she is not a cheater.”

Logan finishes off his drink and walks the glass to the dishwasher, pausing to look out the window. He walks back into the living room. He sighs. “I should head home. I gave Pony a break this morning, but I should take her out for a walk at some point.” Logan turns to Keith. “Promise me if you hear from her you will let me know if she is ok?”

“If she is ok with that Logan, absolutely, but until you told me, I had no idea she had left. Whatever is going on she seems to be keeping everyone out of the loop. I will keep my eyes and ears open though.” Keith stands to hug Logan. “But take this time to think about what she said to you before she left. As much as it may hurt, she seems to think that you are better off without her. Are you?”

“I am lost without her and I can’t imagine a life moving forward without her.” Logan walks out the door to the car and takes the long way home.


	3. Chapter 3

Veronica lays in the middle of the bed. Mama Leone’s lasagna leftovers are on one side table, the remnants of a bottle of vodka on the other. Staring at the ceiling she thinks about how may times she has looked at this very ceiling over the past 20 years. So many times, but never alone like this.

She rolls over on the bed, gets up, and opens the door to the room and walks out to the balcony. So many memories, good and bad and it hurts to relive them here without Logan. Veronica says out loud “This is necessary for the pain I have inflicted on him, I need to live through this to let him move on.”

After Veronica left the apartment, she checked into The Neptune Grand. She had reserved the room originally for a special night for her and Logan before he had been deployed. She had been so caught up in her own self that she had forgotten that she made the reservation. By the time they called to reconfirm, she had made up her mind about what she felt she needed to do. She checked in under a pseudonym so she would be harder to find. Amber Stone. 

It’s been 5 days and all she has managed to do is let housekeeping in to clean and clear dishes. She’s trying to inflict as little disruption to people in an effort to be better. Her list is long of people to try to make amends before….before what she isn’t sure. Throw herself into Mars Investigation? Return to New York? Go on the road? Leave Neptune for good? Walk of the edge of the earth?

When Logan deployed the last time, they were in the midst of the whole bombing shenanigans, and she had wrapped herself into that so much that she had so many knee jerk reactions to everything. He had tried to call her to tell her that he had to go, and she ignored his call. How great is that for crappy girlfriend of the year? Before that he had been home for only a few hours and she practically jumped out a window to get out of there after the ring debacle. “Hey Mars,” She chastises herself, “next time stick around and have a conversation like an adult.” Instead she had ran, again, and tried to blame Logan’s lack of reaction on him. On therapy. On him trying to better himself, something she asked from him years ago when they were still in high school when she was terrified he was going to end up doing something to get himself killed.

Veronica walks back in, closes the balcony doors and throws herself down on the couch. She remembers the time walking in and crawling on top of what she thought was a sleeping Duncan with a text book over his face. Really though, Logan was taller than Duncan with a different body type. Not to mention she always ‘fit’ with Logan better. So, while she feigned surprise that it was in fact Logan on the couch, she secretly knew. She missed him so much then and now.

Wallace, and her dad two men who were constants in her life, she turned on them too. Mocking Wallace’s lifestyle, by getting high with a practical stranger in his bathroom while she had a gun in her purse. Star studded stupidity right there. She was terrible to her dad, the man that raised her after her mom split; the man who was always the constant parent. Mocking his age, and bum hip when he was struggling to keep a secret from her. Emasculating him with her cheque when what he needed someone to help him navigate his new reality. Logan was better to him than she had been.

Veronica pulled her robe around her tighter, picked up the phone to check the time and made the mistake of turning it on. She saw that Logan’s 30 missed calls and texts, were now joined by 5 of her dads, one from Wallace, one from Dick and once from Mac. She turns her phone back off. 

She gets up and shuffles to the mini bar. “I’m going to need more liquor.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick rescues Veronica

Dick paddles out to the floating surfboard he has been watching from the beach for awhile, worried that the person went surfing alone. At first, he thought it might be Logan, but Logan had a longer board and a penchant for catching some the good waves that led Dick here. This person has been just floating, every once in awhile he sees legs kick the board out a little to keep place.

As he gets closer, he thinks he recognizes a small frame with blonde hair, wet suit half on and a bottle floating in the water. 

“Ronnie? What are you doing out here? Since when do you surf?”

Veronica rolls over on her side, and giving him a wide grin, making it clear the happiness is due to the liquid in the bottle. She gestures to herself.

“I don’t, see? Laying down, floating, just so happens to be ON a surfboard. No surfing.” She giggles and lays back down.

“Ummm, is everything ok? You know Logan has been looking everywhere for you.” Dick starts, trying to move closer to check the contents on the bottle.

“Shhhhhhhhhh, no talky. No Loggie talky.” Veronica pushes her fingers to cover his mouth with one hand and covers her own with her hand.

Dick takes the opportunity to grab the gin bottle floating beside the board. He easily recognizes it as the brand The Neptune Grand stocks and wonders if his amateur sleuthing skills yielded a clue. He sighs and pulls a piece of rope from a zipper in his wet suit. He ties it to her foot.

“Hey! I’m not your conquest Dickster!” Veronica struggles up and tries to untie her foot but gives up it becomes clear it’s a losing battle.

“Take it easy Ronnie, I am taking you into the beach.” Dick ties the other end of the rope to his own foot and starts paddling into shore. “You should know enough not to be out here alone, let alone talking into the mouth of a bottle. What’s going on?”

“Wheeeeeeeeee.” Yells Veronica as she is pushed back onto the board with the force of the movement forward clearly ignoring his question. She grasps for the bottle of gin. Dick looks back in time to see her lips trying to adhere to the bottle amidst the moving of the board.

“Nuh uh. Not on my watch, Ronnie.” Dick stops, grabs the bottle from her and tucks it into his wet suit. He remembers, what feels like not that long ago, he went through a similar thing with Logan. “I have too many men in this town that will have my head if I let anything happen to you. Two that are licensed to carry guns.”

Dick turns and keeps paddling in. He hears faintly “Not”, “Responsibility”, “Pants on” as Veronica is lulled to sleep from the waves and alcohol. He sighs and upon reaching the shore he gently pulls her in. He finds his bag and opens his SUV doors, before gently moving Veronica from the surfboard to his car, covering her with a blanket he keeps in the back for late night beach dates. Once their boards are secured on his SUV, he takes her back to her, temporary he hopes, home.


	5. The beat goes on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick provides Logan with details of his interaction with Veronica.

“On a surfboard?” Logan asks again not being able to believe the story Dick just told him.

“Yes, it was her, half empty bottle of gin trailing along for the ride.” Dick moves awkwardly in his seat.

“Thank goodness. Where is she? I can go get her and bring her home, finally. Did I tell you even Keith hasn’t seen her?” Logan is suddenly very excited, and he stands up looking expectedly at his friend. Dick looks down at his hands not wanting to look into his best friend’s eyes when he disappoints him.

“Look dude you know I love you, Ronnie too, though I’ll never admit to her.” Dick chuckles. “But it was a fluke I found her, and honestly, I am glad it was me and not someone else, or no one at all. It’s obvious she’s going through something and for once, you are fairing better. So, for the sake of both of you, I’m keeping her secret.”

Logan looks at Dick unsure of how to respond. He has tried Keith, Wallace, Nicole, Weevil, and out of desperation, Mac’s parents and Alicia Fennel. He tried the Neptune Grand but no Veronica Mars was staying there. No Veronica Echolls, Lester, or any other iteration he could think of. A hundred-dollar bill slipped to the bartender yielded him little information other than there is a petite blond in the hotel, but after camping out for hours and hours he never saw her. He had a stakeout at The Camelot on the 4th night. At this point he has spent more time worried about her and hasn’t spent a lot of time thinking of her words before she left. Maybe Dick has a point.

“I just want her to be ok. I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Me either, but hey, figuring out Ronnie was never my strong suit.” Dick stands, absently scratching Pony behind her ears. “All I know is she was, is a mess, but she is safe, and you are ok. I think that’s all that is important right now. I think you need to take the time she is giving you.”

Logan looks at Dick and realizes he may be right. Logan is ok, not great, but ok. Coping as best as he can. He hasn’t suffered too many nights finding solace in the bottom of a bottle and waking up with a hangover. He can’t. He has Pony to look after, not to mention he can be re-deployed at any moment. He wouldn’t be the first to report to duty with a hangover, or still drunk for that matter, but that’s not who he is now. He worked too long with Jane to learn to be better and accept bad things, and to work it out logically than to just come at the world drunk, stoned, and angry. They have people that rely on them both, and with Veronica on the lam, it will fall to him.

He realizes too that some of what Veronica said rang true even as he was trying to convince her to stay. Logan figured that she was just dealing with a lot of stuff and she would be back to normal once the next thing was over. But there was always another next thing. Keith’s accident after she ditched her whole life in New York to once again rush to Logan’s aide and his ongoing medical issues related to the accident. Piz never took the break up well, though she reminder him it was HIS idea, and confronted her when she made the quick trip to New York to gather some personal belongings while having bigger items shipped. It didn’t help that Logan had tagged along with her and walked in as Piz was accusing her of cheating on him with Logan. It was the first time he let someone punch him without punching back and instead walked out. 

The ongoing cases took their toll on her along with his long deployments. These bombings seemed to shake her to her core though. Maybe the ring was just too much, and she finally cracked. To his knowledge she never sought professional help and he never pushed much, Veronica being the strongest person he knew. The events she dealt with in high school would be enough to push some people over the edge, and Logan wondered why Neptune High never provided more counselling services other than Ms. James.

“I know. But love is being with someone and figuring things out together. She needs help; something has snapped, and I am worried what she might do next if she is screening everyone out of her life.” 

Dick stands and puts his hands on Logan’s shoulders. “I am the last person to talk to about love, but I have seen you two together. I joked you couldn’t quit her, but I see you with her and her you. Give her time I’m sure she will come back.” Dick gives him one more squeeze and goes out in search of something to drink.


	6. Hangover at the Grand

Veronica woke up with a hangover, and the inability to remember how she got back to the hotel. Her wetsuit is over on the chair, and she is wearing one of Logan’s shirts over her bikini she went surfing in. She turns and there is a bottle of water, Powerade and Advil sitting on the nightstand.

She sits up, ignoring the wave of instability and pads out to the living area. There is a food tray, with a carafe of coffee, chocolate cake, along with toast and bacon. She grabs the bacon and looks into the second room to see if anyone is there. It looks like someone slept there which puts her mind at ease.

Sitting on the couch she closes her eyes. She remembers sneaking into their storage at the apartment, finding her wetsuit and board Logan bought her in an attempt to teach her surfing. She had drug it out and paddled out, not being sure exactly what she planned on doing. She remembers the bottle of gin.

Dick.

The last thing she remembered was Dick paddling up beside her, and after that nothing. She looks at the food cart again and sees a note.

“Hey Ronnie,

I got you home yesterday and stayed the night to make sure you were ok. I ordered you some food this morning before I left to see Logan. 

Your secret is safe with me, BUT you should know, he has been everywhere looking for you and has lost a few nights sleep on stake outs.

Dickster”

“Gah, pull it together Veronica. You’ve sunk so low Dick is bringing you home?” Veronica finishes the bacon and goes in for the chocolate cake.

She eats in silence pondering what prompted the altruistic side of Dick to appear, and to keep her location secret. She certainly hasn’t been the nicest to him, yet he pulled her in off the water. Not her brightest move, out on a surfboard alone, drinking. She just wanted to try to feel closer to Logan. It was the same reason she rented the same suite at the hotel; trying to piece together when things started to fall apart, when she started turning her back on her friends.

She misses him, and that’s the worse part, but it’s all selfish. She has convinced herself that by her leaving, so he can be happier, in the end she will be the hero. That she gave up her happiness for his. But again, selfish.

Veronica tosses the plate on the food tray a little harder than necessary and moves to go back to bed. She grabs the Advil and Powerade, pops two pills and drinks half the bottle. As she lays back into the pillows she thinks “Tonight I will try to do more investigation into the bombings, one happened at Comrade Quacks, that’s a good place to start. But for now, sleep.”


	7. Chapter 7

After Veronica inconspicuously places the bugs in various places, she sits at the bar and orders a drink. It’s still early yet so the bar isn’t packed with the obnoxious spring breakers. She looks up and sees Nicole glaring from her office window, then moves away.

“Greeaaat. I’ll just add her to the I’m-sorry-I-fucked-up list.” Veronica says to herself glibly.

A voice pops up behind her to say, “Uh oh, if Veronica Mars is starting a list, it must mean trouble. Should I put the Sheriff on notice?” 

Veronica turns slightly and tries to hide the grimace. “Leo. Still in town chasing the wrong people your boss sends you after?”

“Gee Veronica, it’s nice to see you to.”

“Sorry Leo. It’s been a rough week.” Veronica looks down into her glass, wishing she could disappear into it.

“Yeah, so I gathered. I stopped by your apartment earlier with a pizza and Logan…” Leo says leaning far, too for her liking, into her personal bubble.

“Nope.” She holds up a hand into his face as she downs the last of her drink.” Do. Not. Want. To. Hear. It. Bartender? Another one. Please.” Veronica holds up her glass and swirls it around. “Actually, make it a double.”

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with our night together would it?”

Veronica jerks her head up, glares at him, wills him to self combust, at the same time stops herself from tazing him on the spot. “Excuse me, night together?”

Leo’s eyes drop to half mast, and a haziness creep into them. He starts tracing lazy circles on the table which makes Veronica throw up in mouth a little. “You remember. You. Me. Drinks. Dance floor. More drinks. Walk back to your apartment, when we were interrupted by Matty…” Leo looks like a used car salesman all of a sudden and Veronica questions the judgement of her younger self.

“Uh, there was no ‘interruption’, unless you count the extra 20 minutes of sleep I lost getting her settled onto the couch before I could go to bed?” Veronica is seething but has no plans for abandoning her drink or spot at the bar.

“Ok, Veronica, whatever you say. Just this,” He gestures flippantly around the bar, “doesn’t seem like your MO, and when Logan said that you…”

“Stop. Short term memory lost much? If you want to sit there, I can’t stop you, but I don’t need you talking about him. That falls under the category of none of your business.” Veronica points to the chair, then to Leo, wagging her finger at him. 

“Gotcha. No L word talk, but if you need to talk.” He rubs Veronica’s arm softly, trailing his fingers a little too long. She feels the bile rising again.

The night progresses as the bar slowly fills up and the noise level rises so it’s hard to talk. Thankfully. They shouldn’t be talking about the case here anyway. She’s had a few drinks and against her better judgement a couple of shots with Leo. ‘At least he is a somewhat safe distraction. Even if he makes me puke in my mouth.’ She thinks to herself as she finishes off another drink.

Leo turns to her and gives her shirt a little tug. “Hey, Vee. So you want to go dance for a bit? We’ve been sitting here for a couple of hours.” Veronica wrinkles her nose and can not think of a reason to say no, though she logically knows there probably 100 good reasons not to, if she could only clear her head.

“Sure,” She slurs a little, and slips off the stool, misjudging the distance from the stool to the floor. “Whoops!” She looks up and sees Nicole again, scowling and talking on the phone. Veronica waves gleefully, but Nicole turns away. Veronica shrugs and sets off in a zigzag to the dance floor. Leo follows closely to ensure she doesn’t fall but doesn’t miss the chance to wrap his hands around her waist.

The dance floor has become crowded in the few hours they were sitting at the bar which forces Leo and Veronica to keep close quarters. Which he doesn’t let go to waste. So, in that spirit, drinks continue to flow seamlessly to Veronica and the more she drinks, the more liberal Leo’s hands roam over fabric and skin he never experienced. And when the music slows down, Veronica finds herself pulled tight against Leo, hands wandering over her arms, stomach and thighs. This is the scene that Dicks walks in on.

He stalks over to Leo and Veronica hoping he made the right call in showing up alone.

“Ummm, hey Ronnie? Are you ok?” Dick touches her arm softly, causing a barrier to Leo who furrows his brows, looking between the two.

Veronica looks and screams, “Dickster!” She turns to hug him, misses and falls to the floor then rolls onto her back in a fit of giggles. Dick and Leo both reach for her at the same time, but Dick gives Leo a hard glare and he backs away a step.

And that is how Dick knows something is wrong: she seems happy to see him. “How much has she had to drink? Is she on anything else? Have you been watching her drinks?” 

“Veronica is a grown woman and can take care of herself. I don’t need to answer to you and neither does she.” Leo sneers as he shrugs his shoulders at Dick.

Dick rolls his eyes and points to Veronica. “Yes. Clearly this is Vee’s best self. Drunk. Rolling on the floor.” Dick glares at Leo. 

Dick manages to stabilize Veronica, then Leo swoops in to work her back onto his front. She keeps dancing ignoring everything around her, arms up in the air, eyes closed. Dick decides the best course of action is to step back to the bar and play the wait and watch game, but mostly watch. He slips a bill to the bartender and finds out they have been there for a few hours, drinking non stop, gin and tonics, with a few shots of whiskey thrown in by Leo. He turns back to the dance floor. Leo has maneuvered Veronica further away from the bar, but off to the side, shielded by shadows of some curtains. The bartender says he has been pouring drinks all night, watching people around them, which Dick believes knowing the owner’s penchant for tossing miscreants onto the street. 

But something is off with Veronica aside from booze, and Leo may not be as diligent watching her drinks as her friends do when they are out. As much as Dick can himself Vee’s friend.

“Ah, hell no!” Dick is startled out of his reverie to see Wallace storm across the floor. “And what do you think you are doing touching Vee like THAT?” Wallace steps in between Leo and Veronica, which causes Dick to take a sigh of relief. 

“Papa Bear! Did you come to dance? Dance with me!” Veronica leans back to dance with Wallace, but she is barely moving at this point, and starts to slide to the floor.

“You have a lot of nerve, getting her so drunk she can barely move. Some FBI agent you are! I outta report you.” Wallace tries to steer Veronica off the floor, but it’s difficult between the other people dancing, and her inability to move. Dick moves quickly and helps take her other side, more dragging her than anything.

“Wheeeeeee! Fun, more!” She squeals, tries to clap her hands, misses, and ends up hugging herself, as they pull her into a booth, and she lays back, “So comfy.” Veronica closes her eyes.

“Hey, hey girl, stay with us.” Wallace is trying to keep her awake, but now she is trying to hug him instead. Dick hands Wallace a bottle of water to try to get her to drink.

“Thanks dude, I am so glad you showed up. How did you know she was here?” 

Wallace chuckles. “She butt dialed me and what I heard I didn’t like. There is only one problem. Logan was at our place when I got the call, and I had to make up a lame excuse to leave. Given everyone is on high alert because of her Houdini act, I expect him to follow me. I think I lost him, but I would not be surprised to find a tracker on my car. Or my phone. Or embedded under my skin.” Wallace pokes at an unseen bump.

As if to prove a point, Wallace points to the door just before Logan walks in towards the bar. He pulls out his wallet and some bills waving them at the bartender to get his attention, no doubt to get his attention the same way Dick did not that long ago.

“Wallace, go run interference. He can’t see her like this, I’ll get her out of here and back to where she’s hiding out.”

“Cool. Be sure to leave her with lots of water. And Advil, Powerade? Food, lots and lots of food.”

“Uh, ummm, I’ll be spending the night. Again. I am not positive, but I think someone slipped something into her drink when deputy douche over there wasn’t paying attention. Well, to her drinks at least.” Dick glowers towards him.

“In that case can we switch of? If anyone can keep a Veronica Mars secret, you are looking at him. Please? You just need to let me know where I’m taking her.” Wallace points to himself. 

Dicks sighs, looks at Veronica, then to Logan arguing with the bartender, then back to Veronica. “The Neptune Grand, same room. She’s seems to be a glutton for punishment as much as he is. Wallace, meet Amber Stone.”

“Come on Vee, we need to get you out of here before Logan sees you.” Wallace pulls her up and navigates her slowly to the door, while Dick walks over to Logan, who is stalking over to Leo. As Wallace pulls her out of the bar, Dick hears a small plaintiff wail, “Loggie, I’m so sorry.”


	8. Best Friends make strange Bedfellows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica faces Wallace the morning after another drink a palooza.

Veronica wakes up, again, to a hangover. She peers over to the nightstand and sees, again, Powerade, tylenol, and water. This time there is another bottle which she vaguely recognizes from her Hearst days. She bolts up, until a wave of nausea overtakes her, rolls over and realizes she isn’t alone in bed. Her blurry eyes haven’t cleared and she starts to panic until she realize she recognizes the figure.

Wallace is propped up on pillows, texting on his phone.

Without looking up he says, “Hey there marshmallow, how are you feeling this morning? Still want to take Papa Bear for a spin on the dance floor?” 

Veronica pulls the blankets over her head, rolls out of bed and stumbles into the bathroom. After splashing cold water on her face, she feels slightly better, if not uneasy for her bestie’s presence in her room.

She slips back into bed before addressing Wallace. “I take it you pulled the short straw last night and had to bring me home?”

“Vee, this is most certainly NOT your home. Your home is smaller, contains a large dog, and a moping boyfriend who is running all over town looking for you. Care to tell me what the hell is going on?”

“I take it you’ve spoken to Logan then?”

Wallace looks at her with wide eyes and points at her. “Who hasn’t Logan spoken with is the better question. You, miss, need to talk to him.” 

Veronica looks at Wallace and sighs. Maybe if she comes clean to him, he will better understand why she left Logan.

“Wallace, you know I love you right? And Shae and Noah?"

“Vee, what does this…”

“Shhhhh, let me finish. I haven’t been a good friend. Person. I haven’t been a good PERSON, to you or anyone else. I get too wrapped up in myself and ignore the needs of others. I don’t know what’s wrong with me that I have to be such a bitch to everyone, when all everyone does is try to make me happy.”

Wallace looks at Veronica as if she grew and extra head. Never in all the time he has known her has she EVER offered up such a statement. Such an emotional statement.

“Vee, look…”

“No Wallace, you have been a great friend, and honestly you should run before I drag you down with me. I’m surprised you made it this far in life. It must have been my years in New York.”

Veronica looks at her hands, and stares at the ceiling. Tears gather at the corners of her eyes an she squeezes to make them stop.

“Veronica. I don’t know where this is coming from, but you have to know I love you like a sister, the good, the bad and the ugly. I’m all in, have been since that day you cut me down off the flagpole. So believe me when I say, running isn’t the answer, for me or for you, Vee. Never was, you should know that by now.”

She takes the words in and lets them sink into her head. Or course running isn’t the answer. It didn’t work with Logan, only made it worse. But what she was doing now isn’t running.

“I’m not running, Wallace. I’m trying to apologize and letting those I love off the crazy train that is me.”

“You’re kidding right? You bolted out of your apartment and left Logan in a headspin, not unlike in highschool. He doesn’t, hell, none of us understand what is going on.” 

“But…”

“No but’s Vee, your dad, me, Logan, Mac, and hell I suspect Dick too, all love you, care about you. If you are hurting, WE are hurting. It’s killing us all a little bit that you’ve shut us all out, ran. What you need to do is TALK to us, one of us, all of us, someone, it doesn’t matter, but you need to talk, not run. Or drink, especially with deputy douchebag.”

"Deputy Douche bag...?"

Veronica stares at Wallace. Never has he stood up to her like this; been so emphatic in his brotherly love for her.

“Wallace, it’s…”

“Nope Vee.” Emphasis on the P. “You need to stop and accept that those around you love you for YOU and want to help you through whatever you’re going through. Have you been the best Veronica Mars to everyone? No. Have you turned your back on your values and moral compass. Perhaps. But Vee, you went through heavy shit in high school, college too and in all honesty. And that's the stuff I saw. You solved murders the Sheriff's office couldn't figure out. It's the reason why you are going through what your going through now, but it’s also the reason we all still stand beside you to support you in the crap you are going through. Please listen.” Wallace drops back onto the pillow and throws an arm over his face.

Veronica see the tears of frustration falling down his face. She turns and puts her feet gingerly on the floor. She drinks some water, and some of what is in the mystery bottle, knowing it will help. She walks quietly to the bathroom and turns the shower on as hot as she can stand. She disrobes and steps in feeling the steam shed the film of the previous night. She lets her head rest against the tile taking deep breathes to clear her lungs.


	9. Comrade Quack Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan, Dick and Wallace discuss some of the fall out from the night before. Thankfully no one is in jail. Or the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am dedicating this one to LV_4_EVA who asked for a few things which I provided with this update.
> 
> I am working a few chapters ahead, so chapter 10 and 11 are already finished, but 12 needs to be done before you get 10. :)
> 
> Doing some of these chapters I have been watching The Neighborhood with Max Greenfield trying to get a better feel for him as an actor. I don't love his character, but at least he isn't as douchy.
> 
> Also, Veronica most likely has undiagnosed PTSD, given the amount of trauma in her life. PTSD can result from one incident or multiple incidents from different events. Everyone has different points of tolerance. One event for someone can be traumatic and not cause PTSD, but for another it may cause PTSD. Triggers are different for people as well. Therapy is not the sole answer, and in many cases medication goes along with therapy.

“I think this is all getting out of hand.” Logan says as he paces the floor of Dick’s house rubbing the back of head so hard that his hair is wearing thin. “Trust me. I appreciate what you both have done over these past few weeks, watching out for her, getting her back to her mystery hidey hole without too much damage done. Can you PLEASE just tell me where she is so I can bring her home?”

“If she wanted to be found, she would have been by now.” Wallace looks at his friend with sympathy, knowing full well they both have the same experience with Veronica hiding things so she could try to deal with them on her own. Even her father doesn’t know all the things that make Veronica tick. But he knows that if they don’t figure this out soon, she will implode.

“Logan, I met Veronica after Lilly died, and to me that seemed a hell of a lot for a teenage girl to go through, let alone the torment she received after.” He gives Logan and Dick a pointed look. “Then there was the party, where well…you know. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.” Wallace looks at his hands, then at Logan again. “Keith is a good man, but, damn, why did no one ever think to get that girl into therapy?”

Logan laughs at this. He has spent the last 5 years trying to get her to go in one way or another. So has Keith, and Wallace knows this. Group therapy would end in disaster, and would lead to a new group being formed, sans Veronica, but all about her. He’s bribed her to sit in on one of his sessions, willing to bare his psyche to help her heal hers. She eviscerated the therapist within 10 minutes, pulled Logan out of there and leaving the therapist in tears. Since that had led him to Jane it worked out well, but he was still at a loss how to help Veronica. 

“Have you met Veronica? Veronica Mars? Short? Blonde? Feisty? Likes ice cream and cheese? Talked to her? No one makes her DO anything that she doesn’t want to do. For her it was easier to push all the trauma down than deal with it. She got to let it go for almost 9 years, then I sucked her back into Neptune. Now five years later she’s spiraling because something about this bombing has triggered her PTSD and there is fuck all I can do about it because you two won’t tell me where she is.” Logan slams his fist down on a side table sending a lamp flying into a wall. “Last night things could have gone very, very bad.” 

While Logan had found the bar Veronica was at, and Deputy Douche, he did not see the two of them together. But he wasn’t stupid, especially after Leo’s second drop by in a few weeks. The bartender had tried to wave off the hundred Logan had dropped on the bar for information, but Logan was persistent. He had grabbed Leo by the collar and spun him around landing a solid right hook knocking Leo onto the floor. Security rushed up, but Dick had already been hauling Logan towards the doors. Dick managed to talk Logan down after that. Thankfully, otherwise Leo would be in the hospital, Logan in a jail cell, Keith on puppy sitting duty, leaving Dick and Wallace getting bail money together. After that Dick had filled Logan in on mostly what had transpired, not wanting another murder charge for his best friend.

Logan leans up against the wall and bangs his head against the wall. Why did it feel everyone was conspiring against him lately.

He looks to the side at the two. “How much?”

Dick and Wallace exchange glances. “How much what?” Says Dick.

“Money. How much is she paying you two to keep her secret? I can double, triple it. Babysitting duty, Wally for a month, reservations at that place Shae has been dying to get into. Come on.”

“Dude. Look far be it for me to speak for Ronnie. Faaaaaar. She’s dealing with some shit. I don’t know what brought it on and I don’t why. And she’s not ready to whatever with you, which is saying something. 

Again, what that means, I don’t know. This is all new territory for me. Pulling her off a surfboard, spending the night in bed with her, whoa dude, no, no, noooo, NOT what I meant. Put the fists away. Pulling her off, AWAY I mean, from deputy douche.” Dick pauses to run a hand through his hair, and to look over at Logan and Wallace. 

Logan looks like hell, Wallace too for that matter since he spent last night with Veronica. Dicks’ teetering on the edge too. He never really understood Veronica, but he always knew one thing and that its there was a mysterious bond between her and Logan. If a blown out back window, 3 murder accusations, 1 sex tape, the Russian mob and 9 years apart couldn’t sever it, whatever thing this was is surely to blow over.


	10. Plausible Deniability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica continues with the bombing investigation and has an unexpected encounter with her Hearst nemesis, Jeff Ratner.
> 
> I do reference Veronica's drink being drugged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all with the positive reviews.
> 
> Just to keep in mind, Veronica loves Logan, but she thinks he is better off without her. She is also trying to make some sort of amends to her friends and others as she happens across them. 
> 
> She is working on the Seasprite bombing, but it is taking a bit of a backseat in this story, but it is there.
> 
> Lastly, Veronica is working through some of her inner demons/PTSD actively and passively. I will not take this lightly.

Veronica rolls over in bed rubbing the sleep from her eyes and squints at the Powerade suspiciously. She picks up the bottle and checks the bottom and gives it a shake. No floaties. 'Wallace wouldn’t do me like me like that now would he?’ Veronica thinks, especially given her history. BUT these are unique times, and while she trusts him implicitly, he IS all bro-code now with Lo…him. 

She pops the lid and takes a tentative sip. “To hell with it, I have work to do today.” And she chugs the rest desperate to clear the hangover/weird fuzzies she’s got going on. Wallace left a few hours ago, and she fell back asleep almost immediately after her shower, exhausted from the sharing of emotions. She shudders at the thought. One more reason why it’s better she distances herself away from him. He is better at that stuff. Gah. He is more open to expressing love than she could ever be. He deserved better than her. Or so she keeps telling herself.

Even more resolved in her decision, Veronica orders some room service with her business credit card. She will be doing work here, so technically it is business. She moves to the bathroom willing the extra Tylenol to kick in. In her mind she kicks open the shower door and flicks on the water with a snap, but in reality, she is crawling in at a snail’s pace. The warm water simultaneously feels great and hurts a little on her skin. What WAS in those G&T’s last night? Or was it the tequila shots? Things were still fuzzy.

As she is wrapping the Grand’s signature soft robe around her, she hears the soft rap on the door which should be her French toast, bacon and coffee. With another side of bacon and chocolate cake.  
She opens the door.

Ratner. Fuuuucccckkkkk.

“Ratner. Of all the gin joints…” Veronica sneers and folds her arms and leans against the door frame as he wheels in her cart.

“Mars or should I say Stone. Holing up to do some plagiarizing?” Jeff Ratner, her Hearst nemesis sneers back at her, setting out the silver domed plates, and coffee carafe on the side table.

“Mars? Who is this Mars, should I be jealous?” Veronica puts on her best Amber voice as she runs a finger along the catering cart. 

“Um, yeah, whatever. I’m not into whatever game you and Richie Rich have going on. So, I will take a page of from our plausible deniability chapter and say I never saw you. Assuming you DON’T want to be seen, or found, or whatever, but you do know you paid, for whatever dumb reason, for room service separately than the room?” Jeff’s eyes are sparkling with mischief clearly thinking he has the upper hand, and but Veronica hasn’t figured it out and is quickly losing patience.

“And your point...” Veronica moves her hand to indicate to move it along. She has some chocolate and bacon to attend to.

“’Amber Stone’ may be staying in this room and paying cash, but MARS INVESTIGATION, just paid for this breakfast.”

Shit. Damn. Fuck. Crap.

“Uh, yeah, I meant to do that. Don’t worry your pretty face about that Ratner. Now hurry along and go throw some unsuspecting co-ed under the bus.” Veronica pats Ratner’s cheek.

Ratner rolls his eyes and turns to go. Veronica reaches out, and tugs his arms lightly, drops a $50 on to the tray and he turns his head.

“Uh, um….”

“Come on, I have discretion, it comes with the job. Your secret is safe with me, but I appreciate the tip.” Ratner smirks.

“No, um. We haven’t always, ok, NEVER, got along, but you’ve never…” Veronica shifts her eyes, scuffs her feet, grabs at some bacon. Ratner has a bug-eyed look like he might vomit.

“You’ve never sold me out, other than that one time, which wasn’t REALLY your fault, I guess. You always took care of Logan here, never let the paps get to him. I am sorry if I ever made things hard for you. I’m not the best person.” Veronica ends with a blow of air and shoves a piece of bacon in her mouth.

Ratner stares at her like her head was on fire, had three eyes and blue skin. Composing himself, he stands up straight, eyeing her suspiciously.

“Eh. Don’t sell yourself short. You are by far not the worst person in Neptune. You force a lot of people out of the Camelot into the Grand for their liaisons for security purposes. I appreciate the sentiment though. Logan was always liked here. He tipped well and treated staff with respect. Don’t tell him I said that.” Ratner scowls and gives Veronica a pointed look.

“We, well, aren’t exactly, um, right now….”

Ratner rolls down the hall a little, but stops as if he is considering, turns back and says, “Really? Huh. You two I always imagined going the distance after the Carrie Bishop mess. Too bad. See you around…Amber.”   
Ratner winks and continues to wheel in the direction of the service elevator.

Veronica closes the door and leans against it wondering AGAIN what the hell just happened. She moves over to the couch and pulls the side table with her food in front. She finds her purse and pulls out her ear phones and boots up her laptop.

She listens as she makes her way through the salt, sugar and caffeine she is calling breakfast. The bugs she planted at Comrade Quacks yield little as she only planted them last night. Other than men are pigs. She cringes when she realizes why she feels extra fuzzy. While Leo was helping Veronica find her lipstick she had dropped, some spring breaker dropped a little extra something in her G&T, then gloated about his “easy A”. Veronica blows out a puff of air and puts her head in between her knees and breathes in through her nose and out through her mouth. “I will not have a panic attack. I will not have a panic attack. I will not have a panic attack.” 

Then she hears Dick's voice come through. To an untrained observer it sounds cool, casual, but to Veronica, the undertones are pleading with a side of desperate. Anger. Geez when was Dick there? And the line of questioning. She’d have to remember to take him along to an interrogation next time. Since when was he so interested in roofies? Then Wallace’s voice pops up once and fades quickly into the background. 

Veronica taps her pen against a pad of paper. Leo, Dick and Wallace. Huh. She keeps listening gagging listening to the men hitting on women at the bar.

Then she hears his voice. Strong, assertive. She hears him put not one, not two, but three of the jackasses in their places before he reaches the bar, stops another one from doping an unsuspecting girl, and notifying the bartender who bounces the kid’s sorry ass. But not before notifying the police and getting the punk’s picture for the wall of shame.

Veronica leans back into the couch gripping a pillow tightly against her chest, breathing deeply. THIS. This is why she left. She leaves a trail of destruction where ever she goes. Dick, Wallace and him, all out trying to find and protect her because she can’t get her act together lately. “What is wrong with me! AHHHHH!” 

Then Logan starts HIS line of questioning about Veronica and his tone changes completely. Missing is the casual coolness from Dick’s voice, or the undertone of anger. Panic is what she hears, with a side of freaked out. She heard it the night in high school after she broke up with him. She closes her eyes and can picture his stature. Hands gripping the edge of the bar, knuckles white, veins popping in his biceps and neck. His questions sound like Dick’s, but unlike Dick, he doesn’t know where she is. 

For a decorated navy pilot and intelligence officer he sounds…off. On edge, a little out of control. And not the good kind either. She hears him continue and his voice trail off, and then almost a whisper is ground out. “Leo.”

“Rut Ruh.” Veronica hisses a breath in through her teeth.

She is just about to close the laptop and call it a day, when she hears a new set of voices.


	11. Doing right on the wrong side of town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica visits Weevil for help with a case and to get some perspective on her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, for LV_4_EVA who asked when Weevil would show up.

Veronica starts to regret becoming a one vehicle family with the amount of money she is spending on Ubers lately as she is calling another on. She is trying to figure out pieces of the puzzle on the way to her destination, but it all keeps jumbling together. Like a part of her brain isn’t there to help to put this all together. And it’s pissing her off.

Veronica completes her Uber transaction and pockets her phone. She walks up to the shop and opens the door. The smell of motor oil and steel assaults her senses and she realizes that maybe she should have held off another day before coming here. She blows out a breath, looks around and walks over to the office door and knocks lightly but firmly. 

Weevil opens the door and immediately tries to close it. Veronica, being well versed in this game, pops the toe of her boot in the door.

She gives her patent pending head tilt and an eye squint.

“Now Weevs, is that anyway to treat a girl?” Batting her eyes at him.

“Unh, uh. Take your head tilting, eye batting self, back to your…Uber? Weevil looks out his window for her car.

“Come on, Weevil, can you just hear me out?” 

“Fine, but make it quick. I have a tea party with Valentina and if I’m late…”

“Ok, so, I planted some bugs at Comrade Quacks the other night. I was listening this morning when I heard two guys speaking Spanish and they mentioned……” She says pushing in past Weevil and plopping down in a chair, putting her feet up on a table, rooting around her purse.

“Ohhhhhh, soooo the Mexican dude you know must know ALL Spanish speaking people. Wow chica. I thought I knew you better. Too much time with those 09ers messing around with your common sense.” Weevil walks through her legs, earning a scowl in return, as she props them back up.

Veronica gives him a hard stare. She gathers her purse slowly, not sure what she feels. Anger, disappointment, rage? Wait is that covered under anger? She stops and takes a breath and defers to her standby of sarcasm.

“Oh, I am sorry. I guess there is ANOTHER Weevil Navarro, that has a relative that this dude is dating, though admittedly I am not fluent in Spanish. That was also sent here from some drug cartel king dude trying to find who was responsible for blowing up his nephew? Again, so sorry.” Veronica gets up to leave.

Weevil holds his head in his hands. 

“Hold up Vee. Hold up. What’s in that head tilt?” Veronica turns from the door smirking. “Tell me what you heard, though I have a feeling my day is about to get a lot more complicated.

She sits back down and tells Weevil everything she heard and together they form a bit of a plan. As she gets ready to leave, she turns to look at Weevil, scrunching her forehead in thought.

“What, something else is turning in that blonde halo of yours. Spill.”

Veronica sinks to the floor and starts chewing on her nail.

“We’ve known each other for a long time Weevil…”

“Whooaa, Vee. I mean I’m flattered and all, but I don’t need Logan’s fists of fury raining hell in my direction.”

“Ugh, no Weevs. Gee I’m trying for something here. I’m sorry for being a shitty friend.” She looks up and smiles grimly.

Weevil moves his head back with his eyes wide open, not sure how to respond. 

“Ok? Forgiven?”

“I’ve been a shitty friend, I take what I need, no, what I want from a friendship and leave the husk behind. Trading favor for favor, tit for tat, no trust involved.”

“Ok. What has Logan done now?”

“This has nothing to do with him, well, it does and doesn’t. It’s me,” she points a finger into her chest, “I’m broken.”

Weevil shifts uncomfortably in his seat glancing over at the self combusting blonde bomb in his doorway. His escape route. Damn his soft spot for her. 

He moves over to her kneeling down.

“Look. You are Veronica Mars. We, live in Neptune. Neptune equals hellmouth. We equal survivors. We’ve both been dealt really crappy cards in life, seen things, lost people. Hurt people. But just like we didn’t ask for those things, we don’t hurt people on purpose, well, not all the time.” Weevil shrugs, cracks his knuckles and sits up on the chair.

“But Weevil, I storm around doing what I want, when I want dragging those I love down with me. I showed up to a house warming at Wallace’s with a gun in my purse.”

Weevil chuckles. “Okay, not great, but...”

“Then I snuck into the bathroom and smoked up, yeah, so there’s that.” Veronica looks up with a smirk.

“Well ok then, maybe not THE best decision, but again, these are strange times in Neptune. Vee, you have helped people and ran the other way when they tried to so much as thank you. Solved Lilly’s murder. So, I think a little “inward reflection” shall we call it is justified. But I do know those that know you would do anything for you. I know you don’t think you have many friends, at least many close ones, but you inadvertently cast your net wide, started in high school cutting Wallace down from the flag pole.” Weevil stands up, dusts off his pants, holds his hand out to Veronica to help her up. “But you do what you can to protect the ones you love. Maybe your means don’t always justify your end results, but you do it thinking with this.” Weevil pokes her in the heart and offers her a hand to stand.

Veronica huffs and takes the offered hand, stands and dusts her pants and stomps her boots.

“Thanks Eli. I just wanted you to know I appreciate…”

“Yeah, yeah, get back home. Word around is Logan is beating down every door looking for you. But when and if you are ready to push the button on our plan let me know.”

Veronica gives him a wave as she closes his door. She orders an Uber to meet her at the café at the corner in half an hour so she can get a coffee. When she goes in, she sees Corny, who is waving at her enthusiastically.

Veronica smiles and moves over to give him a hug so she can hear about his latest Etsy adventure.


	12. Therein lies the Rub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a quick catch up with Corny, Veronica works a little on the bombing case, putting faces to voices. A little extra covert ops leaves her a little more hot under the collar and we are left wondering how much longer can she betray her feelings?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will note that while Veronica is pursuing the bombing case, I won't be getting too far into specifics, just generalities.

“YO! VeeRonica!” Corny yells to Veronica like she is his saving grace. 

“Corny, how is Etsy treating you these days?” Veronica smiles at him with what feels like the first genuine smile in forever. She lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding.

“Oh, you know, consumer fickleness keeps me busy. One day it’s all duck- tape wallets, then next it’s hand knitted chicken diapers. What’s a guy to do?” Corny shrugs his shoulders, smiles and takes a drink of his purple drink that’s labeled kombucha, more specifically Purple Queen. Veronica doesn’t ask if it’s homemade.

Veronica laughs and spits out her coffee that had just arrived. She forgot how easy Corny is and always was. No subterfuge, no lying, no tricks. Maybe a little naïve at times, that’s probably why she was a little protective of him back in high school. But not stupid and that’s where people underestimate Corny which allows him to fly under the radar.

“It’s good to see you Corny. You are a sight for sore eyes.”

“You too Veronica. Everything ok? I hear Logan is hypothetically storming the city looking for you. If you need anything…” Corny winks at her and points two thumbs back at himself, “I’m your guy.”

Veronica smiles and drains her coffee mug. “Thanks Corny. I’m good, though glad to have you in my corner as always.” She looks outside, checks her phone and verifies her Uber has arrived. “Sorry to cut this short, my Uber has arrived. If you are around Mars Investigation sometime, let me know and we can do lunch.” She pats him on the back and turns to go, pauses, then turns back. “Actually, can I grab your number? I’m working a case and may need someone with your talents. We pay well.” Veronica tosses him her phone, and he taps in his number and tosses it back.

“See you later Vee. Take care of yourself. Don’t let the haters get you down. Hit me up when you need some of the Corny magic.” He wiggles his fingers, and turns back to his Purple Queen.

Veronica climbs in the Uber and gives her the directions to the Seasprite, getting a questioning look in return. She leans back and thinks about the past 24 hours and the men she’s interacted with. She figures after last night Leo is persona non grata with Logan. Dick and Wallace too if what she heard on the recording is accurate.

Dick. Huh. She gets Logan and Wallace. Well, she did see Dick defend her once at the school reunion, but she figured that was more of a “Hey there’s a fight, I’m going to throw in with Logan" thing than don't mess with my Veronica.

After these past few weeks she is wondering if there is more to it than doing things to make Logan happy and maybe more along the lines of, caring for her?

No. That’s crazy talk. She’s been nothing but caustic to him since, well, ever. She wouldn’t do the same for him...would she?

She’s pulled from her thoughts as the car stops a block from the Seasprite; police tape and blockades preventing the Uber from getting further. She mutters thanks, gives a rating and pops out donning her sunglasses.

Veronica looks around and sees a couple of hired security guards sitting under an umbrella playing cards. She laughs. The damage has been done; shutting the barn door after the horses got out so to speak. 

She goes the other way through the alley, as if heading to the beach and then ducks under the security tape and sneaks into the office. She dons plastic gloves and a mouth cover to guard against any airborne particles. The plastic sheets on the windows will protect her from being seen from the guards although it’s highly unlikely they will check inside. 

She walks around checking the blast path. She can see easily it radiated from the vending machine, outwards. She sees the spots on the floor that mark the casualties, thinking how this bomb could have taken many more lives. It reminds her once again how Logan puts his life on the line every time he goes on tour, and she knows when he goes radio silent, well, that’s the really dangerous time. When he comes home, well, he should come home to someone who loves him and can show him how much without reservation. Without hurting him all the time. Willing to accept something as simple as a ring to show her commitment to their life together. She wipes a tear forming in the corner of her eye.

She tries not to disrupt the debris amidst her tears, although she knows by now samples and pictures have been taken and retaken. Veronica bends down and picks up a small nail and drops it in a small vial she takes out of her messenger bag. She grabs a few other specimens and dekes out the back door. The bombings certainly haven’t slowed down spring breakers enthusiasm for drunken bacchanalia and wet t-shirt contests. She circles up the stairs to see if Matty is around. Finding the door locked, she picked the lock and slowly entered the room. 

Matty is unsurprisingly absent so Veronica pokes around, opening drawers, checking behind mirrors for bugs, planting her own. She leaves the desk for last. She tries logging into Matty's laptop, but after 3 tries she’s locked out for an hour. Too long to stick around. Veronica taps a pen on paper, spinning on the chair thinking. That’s when the picture catches her eye. 

It’s a pretty warm toned string art sitting on another chair. Veronica picks it up carefully noting that it is another casualty of the bombing. Veronica aimlessly flicks at it and inadvertently knocks a nail loose. She picks it up, digs in her bag, and finds the vial with the nail she picked up. And it matches. Huh. 

With the new nugget of info, Veronica locks up Matty’s room and turns towards the oceans feeling the warm sun on her face. She’s been locked up in the Grand so much lately, her daily intake of vitamin D has been depleted recently.

Veronica walks down the stairs, deciding to brave the insanity a little longer. She pushes her way through the crowds, feeling considerably overdressed for the festivities around her. Feeling overheated and dusty, Veronica is pushing her way into Amy’s ice cream shop when something catches her eyes. Not that two Hawaiian shirted men in the middle of spring break is odd, but these two particular middle aged Mexican, Hawaiian shirted men, standing around, looking at nothing in particular is off and makes Veronica’s ‘Mars senses’ tingle. She goes in and turns to peer out the window. She pulls out her camera and zooms in, shoots a couple pics, and goes to order two scoops of chocolate, making sure to pay with cash this time.

She walks a little further down the beach, closer to the apartment that until recently she shared with Logan. She moves towards the water, seeking shade and a hideout. She licks the melting ice-cream off the cone and watches. She sees the familiar blue trucks on the waves, come to shore and then walk into the beach. He shakes the water from his head and Veronica does all she can from swooning on the spot and running out to lick the salt water from his chest. He looks around expecting something, then turns and paddles back out.

Veronica sits there sheltered for awhile until she finishes her ice-cream and waits until he is on his way out again, gets up and hustles back to the walkway, quickly getting lost in the crowd.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Logan turns and pops on his board shaking water off his face. He looks to the crowded beach, squints and sees the all too familiar black jacket, black messenger bag and blonde halo of hair. Just as quickly as he sees her, she disappears into the crowd. 

All air leaves his body, and he sits on his board choosing to ride the waves in. He is done for the day.

Yet while he is beyond exhausted emotionally, and physically, he has something now that he didn’t have when he came out surfing earlier that he didn’t expect to go home with. Hope.


	13. Ghost of Boyfriends past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very unwanted, and delusional, visitor comes to check on Veronica's well being, only to cause additional unease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, not my favorite character, but he just sort of happened.

Veronica is sitting in the suite updating her latest findings on the bombing when her work phone rings. She looks at the number and sees it’s an out of state number. Taking the chance that it’s no body local trying to find her, she picks up.

“Mars Investigation, Veronica Mars speaking.”

“Veronica? Oh, thank goodness!” A worried yet all too familiar voice echoes through the phone and Veronica stifles a groan.

“Uhhhhh…”

“I know it’s been a while, a LONG while. Sorry to call out of the blue, well sorry, not sorry, but I heard about the bombings and I was worried. So worried. I mean we were friends, ARE friends. Wallace is hard to get a hold of, and he was sketchy on the phone and told me not to worry. I tried your dad, but, well, he seems to be a busy man and I didn’t want to leave a message. And well, I was NOT leaving a message at your house…”

“Piz???”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you calling?”

“To make sure you are ok?”

“You don’t seem sure. You know that the media has released names of all casualties?”

“Ummm…”

Veronica puts her head on the desk overcome with a very bad feeling. Mars senses on red alert.

“Ok, well thanks. Color me pink. All limbs attached. Talk to you in another five years.” She goes to hang up and hears his voice call her back.

“Uh, Veronica…”

There is a knock at the door of the suite.

“Phasers set to stun.” Veronica mumbles to herself as she goes to answer the door. “Uh, Piz, hang on I need to get the door.”

She opens the door and has a bouquet of flowers thrust into her face. The pollen from the daisies causes Veronica to start to sneeze violently and moves back into the suite to find a tissue. She feels the perpetrator of the pollen follow her inside and her hackles are raised so she sits down on the couch.

“Piz. What the cuss are you doing here? In Neptune and more specifically HERE,” she gestures at the room, “in my room?” 

“Here, these are for you, these too.” He gestures to the table where he has placed the offending flowers, along with a box of heart shaped chocolates. “Like I said, I wanted to make sure you are ok.”

Veronica tilts her head and grips the cushions tightly and prays there isn’t a small velvet box hidden somewhere in there as well. She pokes the flowers tentatively with a pen. “With flowers and chocolates Piz? Really? I’ve had a LONG couple of days, so how about you come clean now, otherwise there is the door.” Veronica says tersely pointing to the door for effect.

Piz sits on the couch beside Veronica and takes her hands in his despite her obvious body language indicating this isn’t what she wants. 

“Veronica you can be honest with me, it’s ok. When I spoke with Wallace, I don’t know. I got the feeling there was something going on between you and HIM. And it’s ok Veronica, I’m here for you now.” Piz pulls Veronica’s head into his chest and she is inundated with the smell of cheap cologne and she gags and pulls away. Then sneezes again.

“Piz, no. I don’t know how…”

“Shhhh, it’s ok. I know it’s a lot and you are confused, but if you are not happy Veronica, just tell me. I’m here now and can take care of you. We can pack up your stuff and go. Mistakes happen and we can pick up where we left off. I forgive you.”

Veronica pushes away and stands up shaking her head waiting for the bad dream to end. “I’m sorry, you forgive me? We can start over?”

“YES! Yes, absolutely! It’s ok Veronica…”

“No Piz, listen to me. I am sorry for the way things ended, FIVE YEARS AGO. I wasn’t honest with myself about what I wanted, and it wasn’t fair to you to pretend otherwise. But me leaving New York? Wasn’t a mistake, and being here in Neptune, with or without Logan, was the right decision. I’m sorry if you have spent the last five years thinking otherwise.” Veronica is standing wide eyed, hands clenched to her sides.

She wonders if she should pinch herself to make sure this is all really happening.

Veronica thinks five years is a long time to be holding onto this fallacy (but really, who is she to talk Ms. can’t-let-go-after-ten-years) when she was super clear about her intentions. Well she thinks she was super clear. And Piz dumped her, not the other way around. (And never mind she hooked up with Logan shortly thereafter). She thought she explained that New York wasn’t home, and it never really was, when she had called to make arrangements for her belongings to be shipped back to Neptune. All it was at the time was another escape from the truth. It’s what she told her dad to make him happy; herself so she wouldn’t have to face facts; and Piz, well, he seemed happier just to play along.

Piz had been a nice, stable boyfriend. Comfortable. No extremes, emotionally or physically. He helped with rent and they enjoyed companionship. Sex was there, occasionally, when their schedules synced, and it was good. In the way that even bad pizza is still good pizza.

They had been coming up on their one-year anniversary of reconciliation which is why he had insisted on her meeting his parents; flying them in and putting them up at a nice hotel. Veronica had not been hot on the idea to begin with, but whenever she tried to dissuade him from this he shushed and dismissed her concerns. He felt it was a case of nervousness that she would get over once his parents had arrived. But he could not have been more wrong.

It was very much a pattern she saw of other classmates and she wasn’t a pattern person. Not her true self anyway. Get together, move in, meet the parents. Then comes the ring, the expected engagement period, the wedding, the house in the suburbs. Children.

Not that she was necessarily opposed to ALL of those things. Okay, she was to most of those things and Piz didn’t get it. More importantly didn’t get HER. Didn’t get why meeting his parents was more than just being nervous. It made her scared. 

Sure, she could bust in the River Styx and stare down the Fitzpatrick’s (thank-you Logan for saving her ass that day), stand up to school bullies, smuggle a child across borders and go up against the FBI. But settling down, SCARED her. More importantly, doing those things with Piz felt wrong; moving the relationship along that path, that PATTERN, wasn’t what she wanted, and she knew that’s what Piz had wanted.

So why he thought five years later they could pick up where they left off, she wasn’t sure.

Piz looked like a kicked puppy sitting there, but boy she’s not in the mood for these shenanigans. He is still all emo and hair flip which makes her want to punch him in his face all the more. Veronica is going to have to make it a point to talk to Wallace to see exactly what he said to Piz to instigate all this nonsense.

“Veronica I know how hard it is for you to open up…”

“Ugh, no. Nope. I don’t know what you think you heard and I appreciate the distance you traveled from wherever you are now, but you need to leave. Now.” Veronica picks up the flowers and candy box, shoves them at him. “Take these, give them to the girls downstairs, they’ll swoon. Throw them away, really, I don’t care.” She pushes him towards the door.

“But Veronica….”

“Give your head a good shake, go run in the ocean, go fuck a spring breaker, God Piz I don’t know what you need to do, and I don't care, but you need to do it AWAY FROM ME!” Veronica pushes him out the door and slams it shut, leans back and sighs heavily.

Veronica slides down to the floor and puts her head into her hands. Seriously, what the hell is all that comes to mind. Is this like purgatory or something? The ghosts of boyfriends past? Troy and Duncan better not be hiding out down the hall. It's certainly NOT what she needs right now.

There is another knock at the door.

Fuck.

Veronica jumps up and pulls the door open.


	14. The Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica opens the door to a long over due conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for rape reference and being drugged.

Veronica jumps up and whips the door open.

“Piz! I swear to….”

“Whoa! Ronnie! Calm down! I just forgot my phone the other night. Wait Piz?” A confused Dick stands at the door.

Veronica blinks and breathes a sigh of relief that it is Dick and not Piz.

“Dick! Am I ever glad it’s you.” Veronica blows out a breath and rest her head on the wall next to the door. 

“Have I entered the twilight zone? Are you high? Since when are you HAPPY to see me?” Dick tentatively walks into the suite, glancing at Veronica from the sides of his eyes.

Veronica looks at him and smiles lightly shaking her head. “First Leo, then Piz arrives bearing flowers and candy under the guise of making sure I was okay. Thinking that after five years being back in Neptune with Logan, I would realize I made a mistake. That he forgave me!” Veronica starts laughing, grabbing her sides and sliding to the floor.

Dick goes to the fridge and grabs a beer. Turning around, he walks into the other room, shuffles around and returns with his phone. He leans against the mini bar with his elbows on the shelf and stares quizzically at Veronica sitting on the floor.

“Is that who I saw getting off on the elevator just now? I thought I recognized him. Though to be honest the last I saw of him was at the reunion getting the snot beat out of him after jumping in with Logan when Madison, well, you know. The bitch.” 

Veronica gets up and moves to the couch propping her feet up on an ottoman. She chuckles softly.

“It’s too crazy, I don’t even believe it. Maybe we are in the twilight zone.”

“Come on, you can’t keep me hangin’. Dish Ronnie.” Dick moves over to sit on the couch near, but still keeping his distance from Veronica.

“Ugh. He showed here thinking, thinking that I made a MISTAKE coming back here to Neptune. FIVE YEARS AGO! Telling me that he forgave me? Brought me flowers and candy. That we could pack everything up and move back to New York. With him. TODAY! I mean how delusional is that?” Veronica throws her hands up in the air, jumps up from the couch and starts pacing the suite.

Dick sat there for a few minutes processing the information. And Veronica’s mood.

To be honest, he didn’t know much about Piz. (What kind of name WAS Piz anyway?) What he did remember was the no-sex sex tape that he had forwarded to Logan and the look on Logan’s face when he saw it. And the shattered orbital bone Piz received at the hand of Logan, even though he and Veronica had been broken up. This all leading up to the cafeteria beat down with the mafia dude. He wasn’t sure where Piz was while Logan was defending Veronica’s honor.

He remembers seeing Logan after and he swears Logan liked like he would after a day locked up with Ronnie in his room. 

Having Piz show up now though…

Dick looks over at Veronica, pacing around, pausing every so often to look out the balcony doors, rubbing her arms. He’s not a Veronica expert, but he knows her well enough that this is out of character. Hell, it seems most of her shenanigans of late were very out of character. Especially ditching Logan. And surfing drunk. And getting drunk without Logan. 

Dick sighs. Fuck. He’s not built for this, and most certainly the last one Veronica wants here to do whatever it is that she might need him to do.

He knows since she has been back in Logan’s life things between have reached an unspoken stand down, more for Logan’s sack than their own. He also recognizes he has been present for two “rescue attempts”, though he doesn’t expect anything for that; he isn’t a monster. What he does know is that Veronica is on some sort of self-prompted spiral since leaving Logan a few weeks back. What happened to spurn her into action he didn’t know and by Logan’s own admission, he didn’t either.

Is it just weird coincidence that TWO of her ex boyfriends show up; one letting her accidentally getting roofied and the other trying to woo her with candy and chocolates. Do these dudes even have a clue?

Dick stands and walks up behind Veronica who has come to rest at the balcony windows again. He touches her arm lightly, which seems to startle her, even though she should be able to see him in the reflection.  
“Look, Veronica…”

“Uh oh, we’ve switched to Veronica now? Who sent you Dick?”

“No one. Seriously. Look, uh, I’m not great at this…” Dick moves to stand beside Veronica, and she glares over at him, moves over a step away from him and looks out the window again. “Ugh. You don’t seem yourself lately.”

Veronica rolls her eyes. “I’m surprised Dick. I would have thought you’d be happy now that your BFF is free and clear to go surfing, drinking and whatever other hi-jinx you have up your sleeve.” She narrows her eyes at him. “I mean, weren’t you HAPPY when you found out I turned down Logan’s proposal?”

Dick chuckles grimly. “Sure. Like anyone can tear him out the apartment other than for work and looking for you. He has been wracking his brain trying to figure out what went wrong, what HE did wrong. Or if you’ve had enough with last minute call-ups. He’s a MESS Ronnie, and if you honestly think otherwise, you are the delusional one.”

Veronica stares at him slack jawed. This wasn’t what she had wanted, wasn’t the point of it all. SHE was the fuck up, not him. She left him so he could be happier, and fuck! It was hard! Harder than she thought it would be.

Logan was like a fucking siren and she is desperately trying to resist the call, short of leaving Neptune, she’s doing her best; holding out for something to change. Clearly all she is doing is dragging them both down to the bottom. Bottles of gin, drunk surfing, dancing with Leo inadvertently getting roofied at the club.

“It’ll pass. Things will get better for him, you’ll see. You’ll have your surfing bud back soon. Trust me.” Veronica gives him a little pat on the arm. “And you don’t have to stay.” She moves over to the couch, sits and logs onto her computer.

Dick walks towards the door, putting his empty bottle in the recycling. Pauses. He doesn’t think she gets it. Maybe it’s none of his business. 

Except.

He’s been down this road before after the last time she left. After Gory Sorokin got his mitts onto Logan and landed him in the hospital for 5 days. After Dick had to pull an OD’ed Logan in off a surfboard and lied that he was family to ride in the ambulance just so he could hold Logan’s hand and will the life back into him from his cold body. Put into a medical induced coma, Dick would sleep there often being woken in the night from Logan screaming “Veronica”.

So no, Dick did not think this might be something Logan would just get over.

He moved towards the couch and stood over Veronica. 

“No, Veronica, you don’t get off that easy.” Putting emphasis on Veronica, he closes her laptop forcing her attention to him.

“Hey! What the…”

“Exactly what I’ve been asking. What the hell. I know we went through some rough shit high school, but it’s been years. We used to be friends. Why the hostility ALL. THE. TIME?”

Veronica looks at him incredulously then shakes her head. “Never mind Dick, just forget it.”

“No. No, I don’t think so. That may work for your dad, Wallace, LOGAN, but since you’ve decided we’re not friends, your head shake and head tilts don’t work on me. So again Ronnie, what the fuck?”

Veronica looks at him and thinks back to when they were in fact friends. Even the taunting and jeering at the hands of the 09ers including Dick she could have handled. But what happened at the party, was too much. And while Cassidy was the one who ultimately took the dive off the roof for his role in everything, Dick was alive and an easy target to blame. 

“Are you sure Dick? Are you sure you want to open the proverbial can of worms?” Veronica stands up and pokes at Dick. “Because this is about you.”

“I said I was sorry Ronnie for all the things back after Lilly died. It was rough on Logan and Duncan.”

“Yeah, well asshole, she was MY best friend. It was hard on me too and all my friends turned on me. But this is more than that.” Veronica takes a deep breath and she thinks ‘it’s now or never’.

“I think you remember that I went to Shelley Pomroy’s party. No, don’t answer, it’s really a rhetorical question. Anyway, I was broken, Dick. Duncan had dropped me with no explanation, then Lilly gets murdered. I saw her body, Dick. Duncan was catatonic. Logan was a mess too. Then everyone turned on me. EVERYONE. Logan declared war on me.” Veronica walks over to the mini bar and fixes a gin and tonic, takes a long drink, and continues.

“I decided I would go to that party to show everyone I didn’t care, that I had backbone. That I could be strong and take control. Except I didn’t. I made one wrong decision that night and it tore my life apart.”

Dick sits there struggling to see where he fit into this all but doesn’t want to interrupt.

“It took me the rest of high school to put all the pieces together of what happened that night and it almost cost me my father and Logan, twice.” She finishes her drink and pours another one.

“I had a couple of drinks, and while walking by someone handed me a drink, who I later found out was Madison, your Madison. She had spit in my drink, Dick, I think she called it a ‘trip to the dentist’. How whitty. That’s all I remember, oh, other than waking up the next morning, in a strange bed with my underwear on the floor.”

Dick stares at her starting to get a bad feeling but still not putting it all together.

“Yeah what I had to put together? Do you want the part where you roofied your girlfriend and she inadvertently roofied me? Oh! Or the part where you were encouraging me to make out with another girl at the party, or with you? Or where everyone was using me as a SALT LICK outside? How about the part where you drug your brother into a room, threw condoms at him and taunted him to take advantage of my more ‘agreeable’ demeanor?”

Veronica is breathing heavy and her face is red. Tears stream seamlessly down her face. Dick is desperate to look away, but can’t.

“Well congratulations big bro! He did! Passed on his STD too. Then Duncan finds me and ASSUMES we have an unspoken rule or something, because since we’d never had sex before, hey, why not now when we’re both drunk in another person’s house? How fucking romantic. Two for one deal that night! 

“But, you, Beav….sheriff….” Dick stutters as best as he can.

“Oh Dick. Because that night couldn’t possibly get better it did. I reported it to dear old Lamb and he told me to take a hike. Poor baby, what could he do? Investigate? Trailer trash like me against the great 09ers? Neptune doesn’t run like that, Dick. So, there it is. You wanted to know WHY after all these years I continue to be the ice queen to you, there it is. TA DA!” Veronica finishes with a flourish and sinks down into the couch.

Dick sits stunned. Silence envelops the room and he almost wishes Veronica was still talking because then he wouldn’t have to hear his thoughts. The first thing that goes through his head, selfishly, is ‘Oh shit, does Logan know?’ then ‘what now’.

Again, he’s not built for this.

“Ronnie. That’s some fucked up shit. For what’s it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

Veronica shrugged. “You asked.”

“But. Fuck. Ronnie. I never thought he’d go there. When I left, he was running out throwing up on Carrie’s shoes! I was an asshole.”

“Come on Dick. Ask the question you REALLY want to ask. Ask your self-preservation question. You don’t really give a shit of what happened then, that you left me there with him and a roll of rubbers, advising him to suit up. Because you didn’t know where I HAD been.”

Dick shakes his head, that’s a trap if he ever heard one and he isn’t that dumb. He would have to face the firing range himself later. 

He blows out a long breath and puts his head in his hands. 

“What can I do to make this right?”

Veronica pauses, tilts her head up and taps a finger on her bottom lip. “Hmmmm, create a time machine and go back and put my ass in a cab the minute you see me? No? Anyway, does it matter now? Really? I’m out of Logan’s life so you don’t need to worry about me being around. I can be civil if we see each other on the street.”

“For someone so smart, you can be dumb sometimes, and that isn’t a blonde joke. You made a decision FOR HIM and ran away. When does that ever work between you two? You guys need to talk, sooner rather than later. But seriously. What can I do Ronnie?”

Veronica looks at him and shrugs her shoulders. “Look. It’s been a long time, while you played a part in the…you know…he made that decision. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t a really REALLY shitty thing to do regardless. I mean GHB on your girlfriend, Dick? Ugh.”

The silence creeps up again as the ugh hangs in the air. He is desperate to ask but it’s SO self-serving and he got more than he bargained for already. Maybe it’s better not to know and get out while the going it good.

“I, uh, I am, I got my phone, so thanks. Maybe I should head out, but, you know, if you need, well, Wallace, but you have my number too, so….yeah.” Dick stands and makes it to the door, when he hears Veronica say,

“Yes, Dick. Logan knows too.”

Dick pauses a minute, then opens and quietly shuts the door.


	15. The waves go on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Dick try some heart to heart surfing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning again for discussion of alcohol, drugging, sexual assault.

The previous nights storm allowed for some sweet waves that Logan couldn’t pass up, given the past few weeks. He still couldn’t figure out Veronica’s change of heart and strange behavior; moving out, clubbing with Leo. Avoiding everyone. Avoiding him.

Logan turns his board towards shore, takes a deep breath and sighs. That’s when he sees a familiar silhouette paddling towards him, and he smiles fondly. Dick. 

He waits until Dick catches up to him and they fist bump bro style.

“Hey.”

“Hey….so….”

“So…”

“I saw Ronnie…” Dick looks down at his hands. He isn’t so sure about this conversation. How to start. How it should flow, hell, IF it should go at all. But he feels now that he knows what he knows…FUCK!

This is it. He feels like he is going to puke.

“Is she ok? Is she coming home? Are you going to tell me where…?”

“Look, Lo. I have some stuff to say, and it’s hard, you know, for me? Like I’ve never been good at stuff….real stuff.”

Logan looks at him, brows furrowed.

“She, Ronnie, fuck. I knew there was bad things you guys went through. Duncan ditching her, Lilly. Shit, Lilly fucked us all up, but for you and Ronnie. Man. Cassidy graduation night I can’t even imagination. Carrie. I don’t know how you guys did it. DO IT? Live through it every day?” Dick slams his fist onto his board.

“Dick, dude..”

“No, let me finish…I knew all of that. I mean, I pushed it aside. Like none of it happened. And I never realized, never thought, never stopped to think that I had a part in any of it. That I was responsible for any of it, I was so wrapped up in my own head, too concerned with getting drunk and chasing the next piece of ass. Fuck! Why didn’t you ever say anything? Why did you let me get away with it?”

Logan Looks at Dick shaking his head not understanding at all and shrugs his shoulders.

“The party! Shelley’s party!”

“Oh.” It’s been so long since Logan and Veronica have discussed that night that it’s jarring to think of it again, and for Dick to know about it feels a little like another violation. But if Veronica felt the need to tell him…

“I goaded Cassidy, taunted him, and left her there, ALONE. Thought he might kiss her, not that’s any better, but FUCK LOGAN. My brother RAPED her! I left her there and did NOTHING! Then DUCNCAN!”

Logan sits quiet and still not wanting to upset the air between them. If he doesn’t move, he doesn’t have to address that things have changed, right? That EVERYTHING has now changed, and he doesn’t have the slightest clue as to WHY. Why now? After all the years, each being a step away from the trauma of their teen years. Why now does his best friend know the truth, the unspoken truth between him and Veronica, perhaps the only thing holding them back from being one hundred percent honest with each other. Preventing them from truly moving forward.

“I was a monster to Cassidy, I was a monster to Veronica, it might as well have been me to…”

“No.”

“What?”

“No. Don’t say that. He made that choice, not you.”

“But I gave Madison the GHB like the self-absorbed asshole...”

“Yeah, and I gave it to you. And Duncan. So…”

“But I LEFT her there. Unconscious. Basically, giving permission to him to…do THAT…to her…to Ronnie.”

They sat floating for what felt like hours but, in reality only a few minutes when Dick spoke again.

“Why did you still hang around with me? Or tell me?”

Logan sighs into his hands. “Trust me when I say it was an unspoken contentious point between the two of us. But you were there for me, Dick, when no one else was. Not even Veronica because I didn’t want to drag her back. You saved me from myself. Helped me turn things around, kept me sober to focus on the Navy. Without you I would have died that day, and Veronica recognized that.” Logan looks at Dick. “She knows we never would have gotten our second chance if you had not been there when I needed you. So, for that she was willing to overlook any role you played, you know with Cassidy.”

Dick knew this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation, but somehow knowing Ronnie gave him a pass for saving his best friend, made it worse. So much worse. He felt his stomach turn and the bile rise up. He turned his head away from Logan just in time to empty his breakfast into the rolling ocean.

“Tell me what I can do, what I need to do to make this right. This is far out of my wheelhouse, Logan, I just don’t know. Trust me when I say when I asked her what was wrong I was not expecting this to come up.”

Logan sighed for what felt like the hundredth time, shrugged his shoulders and held his palms up. “Look Dick. It’s not for me to say. It’s her trauma. For my part, I held onto a lot of guilt for my role in that night too for a long time, long after she said she had forgiven me and moved on. I kept trying to make it right, whatever ‘it’ was, I wasn’t sure. Then I realized I was making it about ME and MY guilt, when this was about HER and what SHE needed. What she needs. So, I had to let it go, for her. For us, in order to move forward.”

Logan looks towards the shoreline that they continue to float closer to.

“Do I have days where I wake up and wonder what I could have done different instead of handing out GHB like candy that night, or using her like a human salt lick? Sure, but it doesn’t do either of us any good to drag her into my self pity when she was the victim in all of this, which is also the WRONG thing to say to her, by the way.” Logan laughs at the memory of a bruised rib by her hand, or more accurately, foot. “What did you say to her after she said this to you?”

“Aside from the obvious? Sorry, and what can I do to make this right? I was too shocked, and I left after she told me you knew. I couldn’t figure why you’d let me off that easy. I stared into a glass of scotch last night and couldn’t bring myself to take a sip; it felt wrong somehow to drown my guilt, you know?”

Logan nodded solemnly. He knew all to well. Logan HAD in fact chased guilt into many bottles before Veronica ever returned. Tequila, scotch, gin, peach schnapps that one time. Same result each time. He felt worse each morning, afternoon, or whenever it was, he woke up. He admired Dick for not doing after the revelation.

“I don’t know Dick. Everything I thought I knew about Veronica went out the window when I returned from my last tour and she moved out. You’ve seen and spoken to her more than I have at this point, and since NO ONE will tell me where she is, I can’t help. What I did know once is that it’s hard for her to open up, so congratulations on that. Try talking to her again?And don’t pull any over the top making amends 09er crap either.”

They were near enough to shore that they could get off their boards to walk in. They unzipped their wetsuits and guided their boards to shore. They stopped to grab their towels and made their way to the parking lot. Dick had parked beside Logan, so they helped each other strap their boards to their respective roofs.

“When does it get easier? The guilt I mean.”

Logan looks at Dick, not with sympathy, but understanding. They both lost so much, most of it bad but still.

“Guilt is a destructive and ultimately pointless emotion – Lynn Crilly.”

Logan smiles, pats Dick on the shoulder, hops in his SUV and drives away.


	16. The Mars Effect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica comes clean to her dad about her white cotton appearance in high school, when really she was red silk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to thank every one for the positive feedback as some of these chapters just fall into place without much planning. I think we all saw that she was so closed off from everyone, only showing certain parts to certain people when it suited her.

Veronica unlocks the door to MI and makes her way to her office. She figures it’s late enough that her dad won’t be back and she can focus better in the office than in the suite. She needed some air after her heart to heart with Dick and after wandering for some time, found herself standing at the doors to the office.

She was so focused, in fact, that she failed to hear the front door unlock and relock again, the footsteps up the stairs and across the small lobby to her office. Thus the reason she jumps when she hears someone say her voice from the door to her office.

“Fuck! You scared the crap out of me!!”

“Ah ha! I win” Keith rubs his hands gleefully, crossing over and sinking into one of the chairs in front of her desk. “So, the prodigal daughter returns.”

“Uh, well…”

“Does Logan know you are here?”

Veronica looks at her computer screen.

“Hmmmm, so that’s a no. Do you want to talk about what prompted whatever this is? I must say, you have everyone is a quandary.”

Veronica looks back up and sees the worry in her father’s eyes. She pushes her chair back and walks around to the front of her desk, popping up to sit at the corner, swinging her feet slightly. She's not surprised. Boy, if she could go back and tell her 16 year old self there would be a day that she would wish her father and Logan would NOT to get along so well. 

“I take it you have spoke to Logan.”

“Hmmmm, yes. And honestly what he told me just led to more questions, on both of our parts." Keith leans on her desk."I’m here to listen as an impartial party if you want. My lips are sealed.” Keith makes the zipper motion on his lips.

Veronica tilts her head and jumps off the desk and starts to pace her office. Her eyes roam over law books and secret mementos placed sporadically in her office. Reminders of where she came from, what she went through to be where she is now; things even her father doesn’t understand. The crowbar, a gift from Logan as an office warming gift, is her favorite. Her father never asked, probably worried the story behind it was much worse than what actually happened, but eyes always drifted to it whenever he first entered her office. She spent so much of her time in high school hiding her true self from her father.

“Pops, there, there are things…” Veronica swallows hard, “things that might change the way you think of me, the way you LOOK at me as your daughter. Things that I have a hard time sometimes dealing with when I look at myself in the mirror.”

Keith stands up and crosses over to where Veronica has stopped. He puts his hand on her shoulder, lightly as not to startle her. If his years as a sheriff taught him anything it’s that people constantly underestimated his ability to look past the ‘things’ that they felt defined them. It saddened him that after raising Veronica pretty much as a single dad, she too underestimated him as a man, a person. As her father. 

“Honey. Whatever it is I can assure you it will in no way change the way I look at you. We have all dealt with things, but you will always be my little girl. Maybe you have some baggage that you need help dealing with, but that’s what dad’s do.”

Veronica turned around with tears streaming down her face. “Just remember I tried to warn you.”

Veronica leads Keith over to a couch and she begins with a deep breath.

“It all started the day Duncan started ignoring me at school, effectively breaking up with me, by not pretending I didn’t exist. You may remember, but you don't know how bad it actually got.”

And it all came out, some he knew, some he didn’t, some only vague references to. Lilly’s death, which lead to the party: then Duncan and Cassidy. Scrubbing ‘SLUT’ off her car window before Lamb’s brush off the next morning. Keith’s face twisted in anger, but Veronica pushed on. She mentioned how she met Wallace and the significance of the crowbar. The highschool investigations, the Tritons, Duncan and the Kanes, Logan and the FBI and their first kiss, shared out of shock, desperation, hatred and kinship. The PCHer’s vendetta against Logan, his blown out back window while they were in there (she hides a little truth here); Duncan and his seizures. Her brush with the Fitzpatricks and Logan rescuing her – his gun. Her investigation into Lilly’s death, and the truth of how she found the recording equipment in the pool house, how she relentlessly pursued the truth no matter what. How she helped Logan when he thought his mother was alive, when he was accused of murder, twice in high school. What happened the night of graduation. The truth about Mercer and Logan’s role in protecting her, the no-sex, sex tape and Logan going after Gory. Everything. Everything she had so desperately hid from him all those years to keep him from worrying.

Keith stayed quiet the entire time, desperate at times to interrupt, but kept quiet, allowing his face to describe his feelings. He held Veronica’s hands securely and when she was done, he felt the tension leave her hands and he let go. He had heard things, he had been the sheriff and still had connections around town. Teenage boys, regardless of zip codes, don't go around bashing in headlights with crowbars at a public beach with it not getting back to him. 

The rape (plural, where was he, how did he let down his daughter) and Lamb's lack of response to it, now that was the knife that twisted. That she held onto this for so long, that Logan held onto that with her, was just, well, he didn't have words. That boy, no, man, he's glad Logan never had the sense to be run off, that he took care of his daughter when he wasn't there to do that job. How he underestimated his daughter all those years, telling her she should get a 'normal' job, it would be better for her. Go, go away to New York, be a lawyer. Hell, he sees the truth now. 

She stood up. It was a good two hours they had sat there, and her mouth was dry from talking, and her eyes dry from crying. She went to the kitchen and returned with two glasses of water for them both.

Keith was the first to break the silence.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me? Any of this? Any part of this?”

Veronica sighed and shrugged, looking down at her hands for an answer that wasn’t there. 

“It’s not you fault, you know, the party…”

“I know. It didn’t make it any easier then. Now.”

Keith nodded. “Does Logan know…”

Veronica gave a morbid laugh. “Yeah. In high school. He got a lot of blame from me for a lot of things back then.”

Keith nodded again.

“I’m surprised you don’t have more to say given what I just unloaded on you.”

“I’m just processing sweetheart. I’ll admit it’s a lot to hear that your daughter was actively solving cases while maintaining her grades to be at the top of her class. All the while being bullied, provoked, taunted by the man you’ve spent the last five years of your life with.” Keith’s eyebrows quirk up at her.

Veronica rolls her eyes. “Well, if you haven’t heard, I’ve cut ties.”

“Yeah. It’s surprising that for someone so smart. Psychology degree, top of her class at Columbia law school you can’t see that for what it is, Veronica.”

“Trust me I do, dad. He deserves better. He deserves to be happy and if that means he finds that happiness with someone else, so be it.”

Keith laughs. “Oh, honey. Do you really believe that? You taunted and tortured each other so viciously, then LOVED each other in high school so, so madly. Almost 10 years passed where we weren’t allowed to speak his name in your presence, and less than a week back in each others sphere, it’s like you are each others air again.”

Veronica looks at her father with wide eyes then narrows them again.

"Maybe. Still, I've been a crappy girlfriend. Seriously, what girl in her right mind RUNS to a town meeting after her HOT navy boyfriend proposes to her? What's wrong with me? I don't make him a priority, I don't make you a priority, or Wallace for that matter." Veronica throws a pillow across the room. "We couldn't seem to figure this out 15 years ago, and it seems to have come full circle again."

“Shared trauma, Veronica. I don’t need a fancy degree to see what I see, what I know. You shared things in your formative years and couldn’t find a way back then to move past the trauma to grow together in a healthy way. It was either hate or love. As much as you both hate the time you were apart, it allowed Logan to grow up and learn discipline, to manage his trauma so he was able to, IS able to LOVE you when you came back.”

Veronica looks to her father to finish his thought, but he isn’t forth coming. He finishes his water and stands up to leave.

“Thank you for sharing, Veronica. It means so much to know everything, and I know it’s hard to open up about these things, some harder than others. When you don’t open up, and shut people out, it leaves them wondering what THEY have done wrong. I have to admit there were times over the years I was that person, wondering what I did. So, before it’s too late…” With that statement hanging in the air, Keith leaves her office and walks out of MI, leaving Veronica along again with her thoughts.


	17. City of Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica makes another stop at Comrade Quacks and we see the results of Logan's face off with Deputy Douche. The bar is so busy that Veronica doesn't notice a stalker in the corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter's inspiration by Alesso & Dirty South - City of Dreams https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-tUwAWwJkg
> 
> Hope this ties everyone over for a bit.

Veronica checks the time and makes her way to Mars Investigation. Unless things have changed her dad is out for the next couple of hours at his physical therapy appointment. She scopes out the building and doesn’t see his car, so she makes her way in. She makes her way into her office noticing that it’s covered in notes from Logan begging to call home, come home, anything to let him know she was ok. She rolls her eyes at his ever-present drama and goes to throw the notes in the garbage, but at the last minute, scoops them into her bag.

She logs onto her work PC, checks the phone messages but doesn’t erase them so her dad can listen. Nothing urgent needs attention so she returns to her own matters. She has a working theory about the bombs but isn’t sure where the two Mexican guys come into play. But she does now how to get some more information. She picks up the phone.

“Hey Corny! Can I use some of your Etsy magic? ……

With Corny sorted away, and a call to Weevil to put their plan into motion, she feels a little bit more stabilized than she did this morning. A little. Seeing that it’s getting late, she locks up. She takes a quick look out onto the street to make sure no one is around and takes a deep breath. Not ready to head back to the Grand, she decides to head to Comrade Quacks to see if those guys will be there again tonight. She will definitely make sure limit herself to bottled drinks only. And not so many.

There are a few more carousers than the other night so she has to wiggle to get a spot up at the bar. So many more in fact that she doesn’t notice the pair of brown brooding eyes following her entrance into the bar from a darkened corner. She does manage to score a stool as well and waits somewhat patiently until she can catch the attention of the bartender to order.

She asks for a bottle of seltzer, unopened, with a lime wedge. Cracking it open, she pushes in the wedge, and sips, sneezing at the fizz as it bubbles up her nose. 

“Well, well, well, Veronica Mars. After the other night I DID NOT expect to see you out again.” Veronica spins to see Leo with a smarmy grin on his face.

Veronica glares at him, noticing that his face is sporting a swollen lip and a purpley black eye. A couple of white tabs are over his eye-brows. She smirks recognizing the likely work of a certain blue trunked/six pack/naval intelligence officer’s work.

“No thanks to you, I made it home safely to see another night. For an FBI agent, you sure seem to be lacking in certain basic skills. Geez Leo. I expected better from you, on all accounts. When a high school teacher and California stoner surfer are able to recognize the issue and get me to safety….” Veronica turns back to the bar and keeps drinking, trying not to gag on his cheap hotel cologne. She leaves the statement hanging.

“Hey! No one asked you to drink with me that night! Again. No one was forcing YOU to get all cozy with ME on the dance floor, Veronica. The way I was seeing it, if your pseudo cavalry hadn’t showed, that night would have ended very differently.” Leo presses into her back, sliding a finger down her arm and Veronica closes her eyes and counts to ten. She also feels the hairs on her neck stand up. This catches the eyes glowering in the corner.

“Yeah. Someone DRUGGED me, Leo. You think you know me so well, but you couldn’t tell the difference.” She’s starting to see red.

Leo grabs Veronica’s arm, a little too hard. “Sure Veronica. That’s what you want to blame it on now. First Matty, now GHB. What next? I’m beginning to think you are nothing but a cockteasing…”

Veronica having had enough, stands up slowly, staring forward. “I will ask once. Take. Your. Hands. Off. Of. Me. NOW.” 

Leo’s response is too sneer and move his head into her neck. Brooding eyes in the corner stare non blinking ready to strike.

Veronica calmly takes a sip of her drink. The bartender is still, watching, waiting to see what needs to be done. Veronica moves quickly and without warning circling her leg around and catching him unaware, he falls to the floor. Hard. She spins around, hops off the stool, kneels down, pulls out her tazer and sparks it once in his face. “Stay down. Don’t finish that sentence.”

Veronica looks up and sees Nicole with a soft smile on her face, holding out her hand to help Veronica back up. The bartender goes back about his business. Brooding eyes maintain their vigil on the action.

“Thanks. Look Nicole about…I’m sorry…”

“Eh. I think I get it. Not totally cool with it, but we’re good. Bygones.” Nicole gives Veronica a good-natured wink, leans in to say something to the bartender who slides another drink to Veronica.

“Well, that was easy.” Veronica mumbles to herself as she watches Leo being escorted non too gently out of the premises. She sighs heavily and when she goes to order a new drink, she finds one waiting for her. “Drinks are on the house tonight. Bosses orders.” The bartender gestures to Nicole who is talking to some of the guests. The eyes in the corner gaze down again.

Veronica returns to her seat deciding to stay for awhile, trying some canned G&T’s imported from the UK, but staying well on this side of drunk. She scans the bar looking for faces that might match the voices she heard on the recording. Again, she watches boys doing stupid things and she takes great pleasure in pointing the bartender and security in the right direction. Nicole runs a tight ship.

She finishes the last drink and asks the bartender to keep her bag for her, sees where security is located, locating Nicole and drags her to the dance floor. With minimal coercion they venture onto the dance floor. Feeling safer now that she has taken her own well being into her own hands. The eyes in the corner watch with intensity.

Many saw her performance from before, along with the fact that the ball busting Nicole is with her, and steer clear from her knowing she means business. She closes her eyes and lets the music wash away the stress from the day and past weeks. She can feel where the bruise is forming from where Leo grabbed her arm and instead of letting it intimidate her, she lets it embolden her on the dance floor. Raising her arms, she sways to the hard beat on the floor. Nicole is smiling and Veronica smiles back remembering a similar night, happy that while not everything is smoothed over, maybe she hasn’t lost this friend yet. She closes her eyes again. 

When she opens her eyes, Nicole is gone.

Suddenly she feels the hair on the back of her neck stand up again, goosebumps running down her bare arms, the tell tale sign that HE is near. 

Veronica feels a familiar warmth rush over her body as she feels his hands touch lightly on her shoulders. They slide slowly down her side as he comes up behind her, cradling her into him. They always fit so well together; that was never the problem. He runs his hands gently back up and over her, skimming her arms, rubbing his thumbs in circles over the forming bruises, offering some comfort, and sending chills throughout her. Running his hands up over her shoulders again, he tilts her head and runs his fingers lightly over her pulse point in her neck, eliciting a slight hiss from her, feeling the warmth gather between her legs, and she grinds back onto him. He moans, threading his fingers with hers, he brings their arms down and around her waist. Veronica feels safe for the first time in weeks, and sighs, but knows she can’t stay. She can’t trust herself to fall back into him.

She tries to turn, but he holds her still.

“Logan, I…”

“Not now. When you are ready, Veronica, I will be waiting. I just needed to feel you again, make sure you were safe.” Logan kisses her on the neck, sliding away into the darkness of the club.

When Veronica turns, he is gone, and she forces the tears back. She goes back to the bar and has another drink, not wanting the feeling to leave so soon. Not wanting the night to end. Veronica orders a shot to bring back the warmth she felt, then retrieves her bag from the bartender dropping a generous tip, waves to Nicole, who waves back with a call me sign.


	18. Dark Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica has a series of odd dreams where things are not quite as she always remembers. Thankfully and old friend calls at the end to help her wind down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had some liberties with canon, but then again that's what this is all about.
> 
> This chapter is brought to you by Never be the Same by Tritonal https://ca.video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?fr=mcafee&p=never+be+the+same+tritonal#id=1&vid=8368a25f369ccdce9c10125834851623&action=click

_Veronica smooths down a wrinkle in her red satin dress before she feels Lilly’s full lips press softly against hers in the back of the limo, as Lilly’s arms reach into her hair. She hears the gasp emanate from Logan’s mouth sitting beside her and can imagine his eyes bulging out, among other things. Veronica laughs lightly, eyes sparkling as she pulls away from Lilly to glance at Logan, not Duncan. Their eyes lock. In her mind she knows something is off, but unable to stop as Logan pulls her out of the limo, towards the reeling ocean, peeling off layers, as they kneel down wrapped in each others arms on the sand…_

_Early morning at Neptune high and one of the stars of the fabulous foursome is rifling through her locker anticipating another wonderful day in paradise. She hears a familiar laughter, turns from her locker, and straightens her pastel pink sweater, smoothing it over her pale yellow skirt. A bright smile is pasted on her face to greet her prince, only to feel the pain of the gut punch as he walks by, ignoring her. Her smile fades quickly as she sees Logan twisting his head to gaze at her with the same unknowing hurt she is left with. Veronica watches as he disappears around the corner, before the school begins the chatter of gossip. The bell rings and the stampede begins over her already shattered heart._

_She’s kneeling next to Duncan, desperation leeching out of her pores, staring into his vacant eyes, pleading with him to tell her what happened, what’s wrong, where is Lilly? She runs. She sees the unforgettable, the unimaginable. Lilly lying (still, so still, so unlike Lilly) beside the pool, vacant eyes, like her brothers stare. Why didn’t she stay in the car like her dad told her too? Veronica gasps and turns to find comfort in her father’s arms. She turns once again, and Lilly’s eyes seek Veronica’s out amidst the bone and blood. Avenge me, red silk warrior, avenge me._

_White cotton is replaced with red silk as Veronica stalks through THE party. Shelley’s party. But then she sees herself enter, timid but determined, decked out in the white cotton Lilly would have burned with flames fueled by tequila. If only she hadn’t kept her secrets. Red silk watches as white cotton takes the drink and naively drinks, oblivious to the ‘trip to the dentist’ previously administered. Red silk watches as white cotton dances and grinds on those who would accept her drunken stupor, stalling momentarily when she meets eye to eye with Logan. They move stealthily towards each other until they skim each others arms. Logan looks around and moves white cotton back onto the pool lounger, tucking her hair behind her ear, earning a soft sigh from her lips. His hands are on her hips when he gently licks her neck as she reaches up to brush her hands through his hair. Suddenly Dick is beside Logan, dragging a line of 09er’s behind him. Red Silk looks away, not needing to see what she knows happens next, only to have her gaze shift to the next morning. She is unable to look away as white cotton Veronica stumbles through the room, grasping the bed, when the realization hits. Red Silk finally closes her eyes._

_She’s trapped beneath Liam Fitzpatrick, hot tears piercing through her lashes. The buzzing of the tattoo gun closes in, too close and she hopes that’s all that violates her today. Her eyes shoot open at the sound of a gun being cocked close by and when she starts to regret so much, she sees where the sound came from: Logan. Panic and euphoria envelop her as he grabs her and pushes her behind him as they go out the door into the yellow beast. Driving is painfully quiet, both scared of the unsaid. She’s terrified he will get himself killed, he’s terrified for her, for them. Thoughts diverge again and while she’s angry, he’s scared, it’s the biggest fucking turn on for them both. They look at each other, searching for something, and she moves over to press a kiss to the side of his mouth and when she pulls away…_

_They are at the Camelot. He’s pounding the ATF agent, and she while her logical mind is telling him to stop, her baser instincts recognize it for what it is. They go to leave and as she goes to walk past him, she pauses, and leans up to brush her lips at the corner of his. She turns to go, but he takes her arm and turns her. They get lost in each other. The years of friendship, hurt, taunting, all foreplay. All led to this point and while neither completely understand what THIS is, no words are needed. They break apart, staring at each other searching for the question their actions just answered. Slowly Veronica makes her way to her car, both catching each others gazes as she goes. She looks down as she starts her car._

_She’s watching something she doesn’t remember. Never spoken about. Logan driving. Singing to a radio station. Not happy, resigned…she’s with HIM after all. After everything they went through and he did…then the news bulletin. His eyes grow wide with fear and his hands start to shake. He pulls over through multiple lanes of traffic, earning angry horn blares. He hears nothing but the buzzing in his ears and his own voice as he starts to say ‘no’ over and over again. No, no, no. Flipping channels, he hears of one survivor. One. Is it horrible of him that he only has one wish? One wish for the one survivor. Fuck no. His last words. Think. He bangs his head and grabs his phone tries several numbers all with no answer. He can barely hold the phone now his hands are shaking so badly so he takes a few calming breathes. Fuck it. He dials the number with muscle memory kicking in because tears are blurring the numbers. ‘Mr. Mars? I’m sorry, I heard…Veronica?…No son, by the grace of God she wasn’t on the bus. She’s fine. I’m on my way there now…I’ll tell her….NO, nom Mr. Mars. Thank you…I just needed to…’ He hangs up. She’s alive. He drives to the beach, THEIR beach. He sits on sand, tears streaming down his face of joy and fear. So close this time. So much time wasted with useless fights and for what? Veronica wants to reach out and cradle his face telling him everything will be alright, well, for awhile at least. He pulls out his flask, goes to take a drink, and pours it out. In a long stream of red silk._

_She’s sending a text to Logan from the roof of the Grand. Cassidy. Graduation night. ‘Meet me on the roof.’ She prays he reads it; prays he’s alone; prays she hasn’t done anything to hurt him. Again. Her hands shake as she tries to get ahold of her dad; he’s on the plane and Cassidy plans to blow it up. Nothing personal. It goes off….exploding in the sky, her DAD’s plane exploding in the sky. Cassidy shoots, but she gets the gun, leveling at him. Logan. He came. ‘You’re not a killer’ and he takes the gun from her. ‘He killed my father, he raped me’ she cries as Logan gets to her and takes the gun. Losing hope, Cassidy walks off the roof when no one can give him a reason to live. Logan takes her home. Stays on the couch. Logan is home. Her dad is home. Fuck Lamb, but thank goodness for Lamb, just this once._

_She stumbles out of the closet. Drugged. Again. Fuck when will she learn. Everything is spinning, she reaches out to grasp a railing, misses, and stumbles onto the concrete. She hears steps behind her and takes a deep breath. Rallying herself, she pushes herself up and focuses on one foot in front of the other as she tries to multitask to reach in for her keys. The steps get closer. She’s trying to get to her car. Everything is blurry either from the drugs or tears squeezing out, she can’t tell. She’s so near the car, she falls pressing the panic button. She hears the steps stop and buzzing begin. Veronica doesn’t remember anything after that. She now sees Logan hearing the screeching of the car alarm, he’s looking for her, again, coming to save her. He finds her, gets her home, keeps her secret; stays with her. Protecting her._

_Her dad gets a call, she’s making supper. Smiling, happy that Logan is coming over to discuss the case. The issue with Piz is done. (Why he thought his mother’s blow out was more important than proving Logan’s innocence she’ll never know now). She feels free for the first time in a long time. Her dad steps out to meet someone. She hums setting the table, until she hears the crash. Dad! She runs out to see Logan dragging her dad out of the car before the truck makes a second run. They wait together at the hospital. He’s okay, really close, but ok. Sacks didn’t make it. Thank God for Logan. If….If….If runs through her head. Logan takes her home. She wakes up, alone in bed, but hears shuffling in the other room. She changes into a t-shirt. They lock eyes as she steps out. ‘Don’t go.’ She gives into her addiction no longer denying the pull that she has been pushing aside since she arrived. They consummate the reunion against a wall, not being able to make it any further. Then again in the spare room. This is home._

_Gia stops in front of the window, as if she is looking for something, hoping for something fiddling with the blinds. A clear shot rings through the air as glass shatters and Gia drops to the floor. She watches as Gia’s life drains out of her, red silk snaking across the floor. Logan is too far away. Hearing Cobb, she hides in cabinets, moving slowly away, only stopping to text her dad when Cobb is too near. Gia she could handle, she underestimated Cobb. She escapes to the storage area and Cobb’s wrath. She’s wrapped in a blanket when Logan finds her. Two weeks go by too fast and he leaves, but their journey is epic, right? What is another 180 days?_

_She watches in flashes as Logan takes on his friends, Liam Fitzpatrick, Mercer, Piz, Gory. Blood on Logan’s face, and shirt as he smiles. Fear coursing through her veins, she knows she has to leave, before Logan does something, before it’s too late._

Veronica screams and bolts up out of bed, her hair and shirt are soaked. She wipes at the tears streaking across her face. She stumbles out of bed, gasping for air, towards the bathroom. She gets a drink of water forcing her breathing to regulate, but her hands are shaking too badly and the water spills over the counter onto the floor. She slides to the floor as tears spill from her eyes and sobs wrack her body.

A binging in the next room alerts Veronica to an incoming Skype call. She rushes over, hits connect while desperately wiping at her face with the back of her hand.

“Bond!”

“Q! It’s nice to see…”

“What’s wrong?”

Veronica looks over her laptop. “Hmmm? Nothing, it’s just late and, uh, not sleeping well…”

Mac rolls her eyes as she brushes her purple tipped hair off her face, squinting to take a closer look at Veronica. “Ok, whatever. That’s the company line we’re towing these days?”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Veronica nibbles her thumb nail.

“Look Vee, I may not be there, but I hear, you know, things. Speaking of there…that doesn’t look like your apartment…”

Veronica sighs. To date all these conversations have been with boys. Wallace, her dad, fuck even Dick. Maybe Mac will understand.

“I don’t what you’ve heard, or who’ve you heard it from. I just…fuck. Mac, he PROPOSED to me. Sporting a fucking bruise the size of my hand, proposed and you know what I did?”

“I take it from the tone that “jumping him in the back seat of a yellow X-Terra, isn’t the right answer.”

“I ran. Out. Of. The. Fucking. House. To a town meeting. With my dad.” Veronica blows out her breath, and flops back onto the couch.

“Ouch. How many days was his bender?”

“That’s just it. NONE! He took it like a fucking champ. Just moved along like a MATURE ADULT. Mac. Logan.”

“Well, the Navy kind of frowns on behaviour unbecoming of an officer, especially now that he is in Naval Intelligence.”

“Yeah, I know, but still it’s…not Logan.” Veronica pauses.

“What.”

“I uh…..Leo is in town, with the, you know, the bombings.”

“Why does this sound like trouble with a capital T, that rhymes with Vee that spells Veronica what did you do?”

“Nothing! I swear! Just had a reallyhotsexdreamwithLeowitWallacewatching…”

“What, what, what? I leave and this is the trouble you get into. Bond!”

“I didn’t do anything! I swear, not that Leo…”

“Stop. Start from the beginning.”

Veronica takes another breath and grabs a water. She talks about the bombing and Matty, revisits the whole proposal fiasco and Logan’s magnanimity through it all. The awkwardness of arriving home with Leo and Logan sharing a pizza and the 5 hour lunch. Logan being called away. Her nights out and the mistakes she made. When she talks about how she made the decision to leave Logan, for his own good, the tears stream again, and Mac presses her palm against the screen, to which Veronica reaches out to. She recaps the last few weeks, being drugged under Leo’s watch and his subsequent bad behaviour. Her own conclusions about discussions she’s had with those around her.

She’s even more exhausted now but feels relieved to get all of that off her chest with a fairly impartial friend.

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“What are you going to say to tell me what I’m doing is wrong?”

“Nothing.” Mac shrugs.

“Nothing.”

“Yep.”

“Really?”

“Really. I do computers not people. You have no idea how satisfying a series of 0’s and 1’s are compared to neurons and emotions people can’t anticipate.”

Veronica ponders that.

“Bond, hey, get out of your head. KISS.”

“Kiss?”

“Keep it simple stupid. I love you, you know that, I don’t need to tell you that. I got your back always. Like you know…gah, insert girly girl crap here.” They both giggle at that. It felt good to giggle again. “But you have a tendency to go, you know, a teensy-weensy bit overboard on occasion. This may be one of those occasions. Acting on instinct and emotion, which tends to happen A LOT when Logan is involved.”

“Maybe.”

Mac snorted. “Maybe? I’ve watched you two for YEARS now. High School, university, murder, bloodshed, spanning continents, etc, ect…” Mac rolls her hand.

Veronica sighs and looks at the clock, so late, or early. “Ok, enough about me. What did you call for Macalicious?”

“Seriously Bond? I have gotten call after call from BOYS frantic about you and I’ve had to talk them ALL DOWN. It’s exhausting and I never got a clear picture of what the hell was going on. Dick made it sound like you were trying to paddle to Hawaii high on peyote!”

“Oh. Sorry.” Veronica mumbles.

“Hey. HEY! Look at me. Don’t apologize, ever. This is what friends do, just next time, give a girl a heads up before you go AWOL or whatever this all is. Your safe.” Mac grins at her like only she can and glances at her watch. “Look, I have to go, meeting, but when this is all, whatever, give me a call. OK?”

“Yeah, ok.”

“Good, TTYL.”

“Wait, Q? Thanks. I needed this.”

“Anytime, Bond, anytime.”


	19. Sands of Remberance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica goes looking for peace, and finds what she doesn’t know she’s looking for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter for LoVe Obsessed for VMTAP2020. 
> 
> It’s short but I’m hoping to have a few more chapters to wrap this story up.

After Mac hangs up, Veronica makes some coffee. Between late night confessional and that dream, series of dreams, never ending dream maybe, she’s wired. 

She pulls on some yoga pants, a tank top and Logan’s sweatshirt. Throwing an old Padres cap on, she grabs her keys and coffee, making her way down to her car. 

Neptune at night is fairly quiet. The later it gets the more the noise moves away from the centre. Roadside bars and cantinas that line the PCH are the busiest this time of night, but that’s not her destination tonight.

About 20 minutes north, Veronica steers onto a gravel road, and pulls over to the side once she can see the beach. It’s not we’ll know, mostly locals and even then few care to make the trek out, favouring the beaches that line Neptune.

She has a blanket in the back for beach nights and stake outs so she slips that over her arm. If there is any chance that sleep will find her tonight, this will be the place. 

Logan had brought her here the night before the back window of his X-Terra got shot out. He had packed a picnic and the fed each other s’mores melted over the small fire Veronica had built. It was one of the most peaceful memories that she clung to, while everything seemed to crumble around her.

Getting out of the car she shivers as a cool breeze flows through the brush. She slips off her flip flops letting the sand envelope her toes as she finds a spot, their spot, near a dune.

A dark form is hunched in the spot causing her to freeze, wishing that she brought her taser down. Another stupid mistake for books, Veronica.

But as her eyes adjust to the evening light, her heart tries to burst from her chest, because she knows that form. Knows it as well as she knows the back of her hand because she has spent the past five years tracing and retracing every muscle, tendon and scar.

A gasp involuntarily escapes and the form recognizes that they are no longer in solitude. She sees his head swing towards her.

“Veronica.”


End file.
